Ewoks

An Ewok Week Conclusion

The Woklings are sad that Ewok Week is over. Photo Credit - Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

The Woklings are sad that Ewok Week is over.
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

I have to admit that I am a little sad that Ewok Week is coming to an end. When the idea was conceived, I wasn’t really sure how I would approach it or what I would do for it. Quite frankly, over the summer, I just started making it up in my head, throwing ideas around and seeing what  made sense. Somethings I was planning to do, like an exploration of Ewok religion, I didn’t end up doing (I will at some point in the future). But other things I hadn’t even considered, like writing about Ewok Jerky, came to me at the last minute. I suppose that is just how the creative process works.

Putting all of that aside, though, what I am truly sad about is that with the end of Ewok Week comes the end of my months of obsessing about Ewoks. This hardly means I will stop loving them, or stop enjoying them, or stop thinking about them. It just means that it is time to move on to other Star Wars-y things – and oh do I have a lot coming up for you all! But who knows, perhaps an Ewok-related post or two will find its way onto the blog again, or, maybe someday, I will put together Ewok Week 2.0. And in the meantime, maybe some more Ewok Haikus or Fan Feelings on Ewoks will trickle in from a few more fans.

Derek Waddell's thumb looks better with an Ewok band-aid.

Derek Waddell’s thumb looks better with an Ewok band-aid.

Speaking of you fans of Star Wars and The Imperial Talker, I want to thank you for helping to make Ewok Week a success! Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would receive the support and fangagament that I did this entire week. Plus, I want to extend a HUGE thanks to all of you who took the time to submit pictures, haikus, and your feelings on Ewoks. When the next week-long series rolls around, I hope that you not only submit again, but that others do so as well!

And so, I need to ask you all a question: What should the NEXT week-long series be about?

Perhaps you want a week devoted to Droids?  Or just R2 and 3PO? the Clone Troopers? Gungans? should we go small again and focus on Jawas? or get larger and think about the Hutts? Or maybe a week on the Empire?

These are all just ideas I have kicked around, but it’s time for you decide. Do you want one of these or do you have something else in mind?

Send me an email, tell me in a comment below, send me a Tweet @ImperialTalker, or leave a comment on Facebook with what you want the next week-long event to be!! And, once I tally everything together, I will let y’all know where we are heading!

Also, feel free to send me your feedback on Ewok Week, and other suggestions to include in the next week-long series. I am always open to hearing from the fans and trying new things, so don’t shy away.

From me and all the Ewoks, thanks for making Ewok Week so fun and so great!!! Yub Yub!!!

Jeff – The Imperial Talker

Photo Credit - Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

The Scout

The sound of the speeder bike came to an abrupt end as he cut the engine, the echo steadily dying until he was left sitting on the bike in silence of the forest around him.

Parked at the edge of a clearing in the dense woods, he looked around the dimly lit area scanning for movement. Though he had not come across any of the primitives yet, he was sure they were out there somewhere.

But the Ewoks, as they were called, were not his primary concern. He and the other scout troopers in the battalion were tasked with protecting the perimeter of their sector, pushing out into the dense forest to look for unusual activity. A rumor had been floating around the battalion for weeks that the Rebels were planning an assault on the installation. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought of the Rebellion actually going on the offensive for once.

Dismounting, he pulled his sidearm out of its holster and made sure that the energy cell inside was fully charged. Satisfied, he returned it to his hip and removed his helmet, placing it on the bike’s seat.

Walking slowly, he made his way towards the center of the small, quiet clearing.

It was uncommon, he thought to himself as he turned and observed his surroundings, to come across such a pristine spot during this war, and even less common to have a chance to enjoy these types of moments. Before going back to war, he would just allow himself to take it all in, enjoying a moment of peace.

The solace of the moment was cut short by a sound of the underbrush moving on his right, opposite the direction of his bike. Without moving his body, he tilted his head in the direction from which the sound and movement came. He was sure that whatever made the sound could not be large, but he needed to be cautious. Turning, he took slow steps towards the spot and froze as he came upon it. He couldn’t help but feel that he was being watched. Slowly, he placed his right hand on the pistol in his holster, ready to draw his weapon. Bending down, he put his left arm out and slowly moved the underbrush out of the way.

There was nothing there.

He let the brush whip back to where it had been and took a step backwards. It was out of the corner of his left eye that he saw it: a gray creature, no more than a meter tall and wearing a crude hood, was staring at him.

Held upright in the creature’s right hand was a primitive spear. It did not flinch as the scout turned towards it, content to stand and observe the white uniformed man.

This was, he knew, one of the primitives he had been briefed on when he first arrived on the moon. Though he had not participated in the massacre, troops had begun killing the primitives even before construction of the shield generator or Death Star began. The slaughter had been so swift, command felt there was no need to worry about the presence of these creatures. They had learned their lesson and would leave the Empire alone. Curious, he thought, that he should run into one of these creatures so close to the installation.

As the two stood, staring at one another other, the Scout couldn’t help but consider how innocent the Ewok looked. There was something about it that was disarming. A small pang of guilt percolated inside him for intruding on this creature’s home world and what had been done to its kind. Still, once the battle station was finished, he reckoned the Empire would leave Endor and the Ewoks could just have it back.

Taking a step towards the Ewok, the furry little being held its ground as the soldier approached. Having taken his hand off the pistol, he reached into his belt and pulled out a small piece of food and held it out in his right hand.

This got an immediate reaction. Tilting its chubby gray head, the Ewok considered the food being offered, clearly considering whether it was safe to take the morsel. Slowly, it took a step towards the trooper and stuck out its left hand to take the food.

But it was also the opportunity the Ewok was waiting to exploit. With the trooper’s eyes on the hand reaching for the food, the Scout had taken his eyes off the creature and its spear. Grabbing the food, the Ewok swiftly jabbed the crude weapon into the soldiers exposed neck.

Staggering backwards, the Scout’s hands instantly went to his neck, blood already streaming down his pristine white armor. Turning towards his bike, he tried moving but dizziness from the loss of blood was already taking over.

Taking only a few steps, his legs gave out and the ground rushed to meet him.

Lying there, vision fading to black, he could make out the form of the Ewok walking by his prostrate body, moving towards the bike, eating the food it had been given.

Silently, without looking back, the Ewok moved past the bike and disappeared into the underbrush beyond, leaving the Scout to die in the peace of the forest clearing.


Check out these other Ewok Week posts:

The Imperial Talker Presents: Ewok Week

The Music of the Ewoks

Ewok Jerky

Ewok Haikus

Cute, Funny, and Very Deadly

Fan Feelings on Ewoks

Ewoks Battling for Endor

Cute, Funny, and Very Deadly

“Yub Yub”

As a little kid, I loved the Ewoks. My reason for loving them, simple! The Ewoks were adorable. Okay, well that and they acted silly and funny. Sure, as an adult I may not laugh out loud at the funny things the Ewoks do or say, but I definitely did as a child and I can still appreciate the silliness as an adult.

Leia begins to remove her helmet as Wicket munches on a snack. Photo Credit - Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Leia begins to remove her helmet as Wicket munches on a snack.
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Take Wicket as an example, the Ewok who pokes Princess Leia awake with his spear. Wicket curious but hesitant as he interacts with her at first, but when Leia takes off her helmet Wicket leaps up, readying his spear and preparing for the worst. All of this because she took off a helmet! Why would he be afraid of a helmet!?!?! Ha! How ridiculous!

Granted, I couldn’t appreciate as a child that maybe Wicket had never seen a helmet before, or perhaps he was just startled by her action. But who cares, little kid me didn’t need to think that hard about the scene. All I had to do was sit back and enjoy, which I still do even if I am not in tears from laughter.

Well, I DO still laugh when Wicket lassos himself with a sling during the battle of Endor. Silly Wicket…

Another example of Ewok hilarity: they bow down and worship the whiny, always complaining C-3PO as a god. C-3PO of all characters! Even Han is taken-aback by “goldenrods” newly christened divine status.

And then there is the moment when the Ewok’s prepare to make Han and Luke the main course in a feast honoring their new god though, as a kid, I never worried that Han or Luke would be consumed(though it would have been a heck of a plot twist in the film if Lucas HAD gone down that road). Naw, what made that scene so great, and what still makes it one of my favorites, is just how absurd the entire situation is – the Ewoks sing a little tune while they stack logs for the feast. Han tries blowing out a torch. Luke makes 3PO “fly” which terrifies the Ewoks and sends them running in all directions. The whole scene is just as hilariously silly!!!

Han attempts to blow out the torch. Photo Credit - Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Han attempts to blow out the torch.
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Well, hilariously silly but also REALLY messed up. The Ewoks were going to EAT Han and Luke. Wait, sorry, they were going to BURN THEM ALIVE AND EAT THEM. Let that sink in for a second…

This isn’t to say that the scene isn’t meant to be funny. Rather, when the layers of silliness and humor are stripped away in this and other scenes, the Ewoks turn out to be different than we first thought.

In fact, let’s chat about their tactics in the Battle of Endor.

Cuddly but Deadly

Consider this: the Ewoks bludgeon A LOT of Imperial soldiers to death with clubs and spears. Remember when those two Ewoks take control of the AT-ST with Chewie? While our favorite Wookie pulls one of the pilots out of the cockpit, tossing him over the side, the two Ewoks jump in and beat the hell out of the other pilot.

And that is only two Ewoks out of…hundreds? Thousands? Here is a list of things that other Ewoks do during the Battle of Endor:

  • Ewoks swing from vines, throwing two Stormtroopers down a hill where they are then pounced on by other Ewoks who start clubbing them.
  • One Ewok slings a Stormtrooper around the neck, an act that presumably causes the trooper to suffocate.
  • A group sneaks up on Stormtroopers firing at Han and Leia, beating them with clubs and spears (see the featured image at the top of the post).
  • Other Ewoks lasso a speeder bike with rope, sending the bike and its pilot spinning around, and eventually crashing into, a tree. You can hear him scream the entire way to his fiery death.
  • Still others “clothes-line” the pilot of another bike with a rope suspended between two trees – there is no way that trooper’s neck was not instantaneously snapped.
  • A handful of Ewoks standing on a massive log drop rocks on Stormtroopers below them.
  • They send massive logs swinging into the cockpit of an AT-ST, crushing the two soldiers inside.
Ewoks throw rocks onto Stormtroopers. Photo Credit - Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Ewoks throw rocks onto Stormtroopers.
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

What’s my point? Well, the Ewoks are certainly adorable and silly, but they are also incredibly dangerous and deadly. Primitive they might be, but they are clearly effective warriors, so skilled in the art of war that they can take on a technologically advanced foe in a head-to-head fight.

So, with this thought in mind, I am gonna just come right out and say this: the Ewoks were planning on fighting a war against the Empire before Han and his strike team arrived. Or, perhaps they had already started the fight, and the Rebels just showed up in the middle of it.

Seriously, think about it. Haven’t you ever wondered how the Ewoks were able to prepare for the battle so quickly? It isn’t like they started stacking those massive logs twenty minutes before the battle began, or built catapults right before they launched their attack. To be fair, some of those logs and catapults were surely built and perhaps in place already to deal with an occasional Gorax threat, but as a whole, in my mind, the Ewoks were preparing for a while, waiting for the moment to strike by strategically placing their weapons near and around the bunker. Maybe that day on Endor was not the day they had been planning to launch an all-out war, but the day found them.

But that didn’t really matter because they were clearly ready for it. The battle begins when they decide it is time. The trumpets sound and the Ewoks emerge from their hiding places to shoot arrows and throw spears at Imperial soldiers. As the battle progresses, there are other Ewoks in trees spotting and signaling their comrades, while others lead Imperial troops into ambushes.

Romba mourns the death of Nanta Photo Credit - Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Romba mourns the death of Nanta
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Logistically, strategically, tactically, the Ewoks were the superior foe in this fight. Sure, some Ewoks die in the fight, like poor Nanta who is mourned in the moment by his comrade Romba. But as warriors they know the risk and are prepared for what awaits them in battle.

But hold on a second, if they are such skilled warriors, then there is a very good possibility that Ewok tribes on Endor have gone to war with one another countless times. They had to learn the art of war somehow, right? Setting traps for Gorax, and occasionally killing one, would hardly be enough to train them in the ways of warfare. Just picture that – two Ewok tribes fighting a forest battle. It would be the most adorably bloody battle ever!

Oh, and chances are the victors eat their dead enemies, be them Ewok or Imperial. I just hope the Ewoks of Bright Tree Village didn’t feed any dead Stormtroopers to the Rebels after the big win.

Then again, Chewie probably wouldn’t mind. He is always thinking with his stomach.


Leave a comment and check out other Ewok Week posts:

The Imperial Talker Presents: Ewok Week

The Music of the Ewoks

Ewok Jerky

Ewok Haikus

Fan Feelings on Ewoks

Ewoks Battling for Endor

The Scout