Star Wars Poem: From Abafar to Ziost

There are so many planets in the Star Wars galaxy.
Let’s hyperspace to some of them by going A to Z.

A is for Abafar known to some just as “The Void.”
B stands for Bogano where Kestis found his droid.

C well that’s just Castilon, it’s got Resistance spies.
D is witch-ruled Dathomir with spooky blood-red skies.

E can mean so many things, Eriadu or Er’kit.
F gives us Floruum, and Ohnaka’s clever wit. 

G is “Seuss-like” Gootlegoob, I really like that name.
H established Honoghr when the Grand Heir came. 

I is for Iego which has more than just one moon.
J brings us to Jabiim but I prefer Jandoon.

K is pretty easy, Kuat is the best one.
L will take us to Lothal, we’ve heard of it a ton!

M that’s clearly Malastare, home to racing Dugs.
N can stand for Nal Hutta and its slimy, gangster slugs.

O is Oba Diah where you’ll find Pykes, not Hebrew prophets.
P is chrome-dome’s Parnassos with nuclear leaking faucets.

Q now that’s a toughy, we’ll head to planet Quell.
R is barren Ruusan, there Sith and Jedi fell.

S sets out for different worlds, Scarif, Sullust, Sump.
T now that’s Trandosha, I like its species more than Trump.

U is dark Umbara and many Clone Wars dead.
V vrooms us to Vendara, Vendaxa and Vendred.

W is Wayland where Joruus met his end.
X makes things sort of hard, so let’s just go to Xend.

Y will be an easy pick, gas giant Yavin Prime.
Z zips us off to Ziost, a Sith world lost to time.

Our hyperspace engines are running out of fuel.
So we’ll settle down on Taris, just watch out for Rakghoul.

Ewok Jerky

Have you ever wondered what Ewok tastes like? Well, if you are curious, you needn’t go on a hunting trip to Endor to snag one of those furry creatures yourself. Oh no, just travel to the settlement of Pons Ora on the Outer Rim world of Abafar and then head for the Power Sliders diner. There, the Sullustan Mister Borkus has a number of delicious entrees ready for you to try including his famous Ewok Jerky!

Alright, silly quasi-advertisements aside, everything I just described comes straight out of Episode 12 from Season 5 of The Clone Wars. I will spare you the plot of the episode and would rather direct your attention to the featured image at the top of this post. There, you will see Mister Borkus himself (the big guy in the pic) and, behind/above him, you will see part of the menu. On it, you will also see the following two words written in Aurebesh, the alphabet of the Star Wars galaxy:

Ewok JerkyTranslation: Ewok Jerky

You know, I bet you don’t have to travel the whole way to Abafar to chow down on some Ewok meat. Chances are it is shipped all over the galaxy. Heck, if a diner on an obscure Outer Rim world offers Ewok Jerky, some other restaurant in the galaxy probably makes a great Ewok Steak or some Smoked Ewok Ribs. I mean sure, Abafar could be the only location offering Ewok on the menu, but unless Abafar is really close to Endor, it would cost Mister Borkus a fortune to get the meat in the first place. It all boils down to supply and demand. Economics 101.

And if you are saying to yourself, “What the heck, Ewoks were hunted and eaten, that is super messed up” I am not going to disagree with you. In fact, given that the Ewoks are part of the Living Force, and are also sentient beings, one has to ask: why in the hell weren’t the Jedi protecting them from poaching and consumption? I will let you ponder this one on your own.

An Ewok hunting party surrounds Han, Luke, and Chewbacca Photo Credit - Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

An Ewok hunting party surrounds Han, Luke, and Chewbacca.
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

A final thought, though. Since the Ewoks were a delicacy on Abafar, and presumably other worlds, then there were surely groups that went to Endor to hunt, capture, and kill the furballs. If so, then this could explain the extreme caution the Ewoks exhibit around Leia, Han, Luke, and Chewie, not to mention the Empire.

If they aren’t cautious around outsiders, they could end up on someone’s dinner plate 1,000 light-years away.

Leave a comment and let me know what you think about the Ewok’s being eaten!

Be sure to check out other Ewok Week posts:

The Imperial Talker Presents: Ewok Week

The Music of the Ewoks

Ewok Haikus

Cute, Funny, and Very Deadly

Fan Feelings on Ewoks

Ewoks Battling for Endor

The Scout