Standalone Films

Haikuesday: Xim the Despot

A long time ago
there was a Despot named Xim.
This is his story…

The Tion Cluster.
Xim’s birth place, planet Argai.
Son of pirate-king.

The pirate-king Xer.
Raiding, conquering Tion.
Slaughtering as well.

The Kingdom of Cron.
Xim’s brutality unleashed
in a noble “Sweep.”

The Livien League
checks the forces of Xer.
Xim smashes the League.

Expansionist Xim,
the Tionese Empire
grows under his rule.

The Despot’s army –
children trained for life of war.
Janissary troops.

Xim’s elite soldiers:
Duinarbulon Star Lancers.
Glossy, black armor.

Famous war robots
Reserved as shock troops and guards.
Tough and effective.

Robots with the Force?
The Crimson Condottieri;
Rakatan enhanced.

Eibon Scimitar
The first great capital ship.
The Despot’s flagship.

Conquest of riches.
Flaunting his prosperity.
Driven by his greed.

Mytag crystal skull
masthead of Xim the Despot.
A famed artifact.

Haiku Addendum:
the skull, pictured above, can
be seen in Solo.

Planet Desevro –
A statue in Xim’s honor
displays his glory.

Obsessed with the Hutts.
Determined to add their worlds
Xim prepares for war.

Rakatan title:
Daritha, ruler of worlds.
Xim’s grand delusion.

The Xim Wars begin.
Tionese forces invade
the Hutt Empire.

Two great Hutt leaders:
Kossak unites the Hutt clans.
Boonta leads the fight.

On the Hutt frontier,
Xim assaults rich Ko Vari
where Boonta defends

Suicide attacks –
Boonta throws waves of slaves at
Xim’s warships and troops.

Sleheyron failure –
Xim is unable to take
another prized world.

Lured into a trap.
The three battles at Vontor.
Xim will lose them all.

Defeated warships.
The First Battle of Vontor.
A rematch follows.

At Second Vontor,
A ground battle ensues and
Xim is beat again.

A final showdown.
The Third Battle of Vontor.
Xim the Despot’s fall.

Boonta overwhelms
Xim’s forces with hundreds of
thousands of soldiers.

Legendary ship.
Queen of Ranroon flees Vontor
with Xim’s great riches.

Hidden and secured
Location of Xim’s treasures:
The vaults on Dellalt.

Captured in battle.
Paraded through streets in chains.
Xim, Hutt prisoner.

The Despot, long dead,
twenty-five millennia.
His legend endures.


Check out these other Haikuesday 2.0 posts:

Imperial Atrocities

Luke Skywalker (ANH)

Luke Skywalker (ESB)

Luke Skywalker (ROTJ)

Dark Lords of the Sith

Star Wars Planets

The Great Jedi Purge

Star Wars Aliens

Clone Troopers

Finn (TFA)

Chewbacca

Imperial Officers (OT)

Bounty Hunters

Talking Star Wars Issue 002

In my first issue of Talking Star Wars I mentioned that we had moved into a new house at the end of July and that we were in the process of getting settled in. Well, that process has continued and coupled with my parental responsibilities (like being tackled by an energetic toddler) it all adds up and cuts into the time I dedicate to Star Wars in general and blog writing in particular. Further, my obsession with Doctor Who continues unabated, and I am finding myself not only watching at least one episode of the British show every day but also having some pretty long conversations about it with my friend Mike (aka: My Comic Relief). Still, I did find some time to focus on Star Wars a bit more over the past month, and I ended up publishing two pieces on the site:

Haikuesday: Imperial Officers (OT)
M-3PO: The Rogue Protocol Droid

This Is the Way

Probably the most talked about Star Wars news over the past month has been the trailer for Season 2 of The Mandalorian. I figured I should offer my thoughts on it, if only to jump on the bandwagon and feel included in the hype. Except I haven’t watched the trailer so I really have nothing to offer.

Well, I guess I could explain why I haven’t watched it. That is worth wasting 42 seconds of your time, right? Sure it is!

Here is the thing: I really liked the first season of The Mandalorian. As the first entry into live-action Star Wars shows I thought it was a strong debut, aesthetically and thematically capturing some of the best parts of the franchise. But even though I really enjoyed it, after I finished it and began hearing news about Season 2 my interest began to wane, and when the trailer came out I just wasn’t in the mood to watch it. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure I will still check out Season 2 of The Mandalorian and I am sure it will continue to capture some of the things I really love about Star Wars. Never-the-less, when it was announced that Ahsoka Tano would appear in Season 2 I just threw up my hands and said “Uggggggggggh!!!!!” I don’t hate Ahsoka, although I do think she should have died in the second season of Rebels (that’s a conversation for another time). Rather, what had me excited about The Mandalorian in the very beginning – a story about a loner in a “complicated profession” surviving in the lawless Outer Rim – feels watered-down and overshadowed by Ahsoka’s inclusion. She brings so much backstory and baggage with her that, at this point, it is basically impossible for her NOT to steal the spotlight. Besides, The Child (aka “Baby Yoda”) has already stolen the show, and the last thing The Mandalorian needed was another Force-user to compete with for audience attention.

Watching Star Wars

I did not watch any of the Star Wars films or shows over the past month but I DID watch the trailer for the upcoming Star Wars: Squadrons video game. The trailer – “Hunted” – is only 7 minutes long but the story it tells about Imperial forces in full retreat after the Battle of Endor, and more specifically a TIE Interceptor being hunted by an X-Wing, has me pretty excited to play the game (once I find some time to indulge in some Star Wars dogfights). If you haven’t watched the trailer yet you should even if you aren’t going to play it. And, because I am so nice, you don’t even need to search for it because I found it for you. No excuses, watch the trailer!

Oh, one more thing about the trailer: when the X-Wing pilot says “War’s over, Imp” I can’t help but hear my friend Mark Lockard. I guess I am just gonna imagine Mark actually is the pilot, and I’ll just believe he ejects before he meets an explosive end. So hooray, Mark lives!

Star Wars Reading List

Thrawn Ascendancy: Chaos Rising – Timothy Zahn
TIE Fighter (graphic novel) –
Jody Houser
The Stark Hypserspace War (graphic novel)
– John Ostrander
Dark Tide II: Ruin
– Michael A. Stackpole

At the beginning of September I took a short pause from my re-read of The New Jedi Order to check out Thrawn Ascendancy: Chaos Rising. While I noted in Talking Star Wars Issue 001 that the Disney Star Wars canon hasn’t really been appealing to me lately I still wanted to give Zahn’s new entry into the “Thrawnon” the canon of Thrawn, a read. Why? Well, because I am a Thrawn superfan. There was never a doubt I would read this book when it dropped because I live in symbiosis with the blue-skinned, red eyed Chiss. He and I are basically the same person (although I am slightly more attractive).

Did I enjoy the new book in the Thrawnon? Hell yes I did. I dare not spoil it for anyone, but I will say this: the vast majority of this book works with BOTH the Expanded Universe and the Disney canon. I am going to write more about this in a review of the book, though. So just be patient while I put it together…

Before jumping back into The New Jedi Order I also decided to give a couple Star Wars graphic novels a read. I’ve had my eye on the TIE Fighter graphic novel for a while, and the release of the Squadrons trailer convinced me to pick it up. Admittedly, the story wasn’t mind blowing but it was interesting, offering a look at a depleted TIE Fighter Squadron in the days before the Battle of Endor. As well, TIE Fighter is a small tie-in with Alphabet Squadron, with references to Alexander Freed’s series popping up here and there (i.e. – Yrica Quell, the protagonist in the series, makes a cameo).

I also decided to re-read The Stark Hyperspace War for like the 107th time. Okay, I might be exaggerating a little but I really do love this Expanded Universe story and have read it a number of times. It offers a look at a short but vicious war that takes place 12 years before The Phantom Menace, a war which helps set the stage for some of the events in the film. I am considering writing a longer piece about it but what I will say right now is that if you’ve never read it and you are a fan of Jedi Master Plo Koon then you should definitely check it out. In fact, I credit The Stark Hyperspace War with making me a die-hard fan of the Kel Dor.

Photo Credit – The Stark Hyperspace War
Artist -Davidé Fabbri 

And, as you can see from my list above, I did make it back to The New Jedi Order, finishing Dark Tide II: Ruin. Honestly, this is one of the more difficult books to read in The New Jedi Order, not because it is boring or drags but because it sucks you in and forces you to really feel the horror of the war the Yuuzhan Vong are waging against the galaxy. For me, this is no more apparent than when the Vong destroy the world of Ithor, the homeworld of the peaceful Ithorian species. What happens to the planet is heartbreaking and offers a stark reminder that war, yes even a star war, is terrible and we should never allow ourselves to think otherwise.

Compassion of the Jedi

Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is essential to a Jedi’s life.” – Jedi Padawan Anakin Skywalker (Attack of the Clones)

1 in 9 people struggle with hunger in the United States and the coronavirus pandemic has exacerbated this issue. Feeding America is the nation’s largest domestic hunger-relief organization, providing food to families that are in need. Please consider taking action and donating to Feeding America, or search their databank for volunteer opportunities at a local food bank!

Perfect Star Wars Pet: Boglings

Photo Credit – Jedi: Fallen Order

Native to Bogano, boglings make their first and only Star Wars appearance in the video game Jedi: Fallen Order.

A Long Time Ago…

…I wrote this post about war being No Place for Children. Give it a read.

Freeze Frame

Photo Credit: The Clone Wars Season 4, Episode 10 – “Carnage of Krell”

The 501st Clone Battlion, led by Captain Rex, steel themselves as they prepare to confront and arrest Jedi General Pong Krell. Surely knowing that some of them will die, the clones never-the-less march forward with a stoic resolve to complete their mission and bring Krell to justice.

Three Star Wars Quotes I Really Like

“We must keep our faith in the Republic. The day we stop believing democracy can work is the day we lose it.” – Queen Jamilla (Attack of the Clones)

“The Emperor who ordered Operation Cinder, who built two Death Stars, who oversaw countless genocides and massacres and created an Empire where torture droids were in common use, was not a man of secret brilliance and foresight. He was a cruel man. Petty and spiteful in the most ordinary ways; and spiteful men do spiteful things.” – Reprogrammed torture droid IT-O speaking to Lieutenant Yrica Quell (Alphabet Squadron)

Our time has come. For 300 years, we prepared. We grew stronger. While you rested in your cradle of power, believing your people were safe… and protected. You were trusted to lead the Republic—but you were deceived, as our powers over the dark side have blinded you. You assumed no force could challenge you…and now…finally…we have returned.” – Darth Malgus during the attack on the Jedi Temple in 3653 BBY (The Old Republic)

Capital Ship Spotlight: EF76 Nebulon-B escort frigate

Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Ten Random Star Wars Thoughts

  1. I always enjoy the pod race in The Phantom Menace. I think it is the second best part of the film.
  2. Poe Dameron may be one hell of a pilot but Soontir Fel is the best pilot.
  3. I wonder if Wookiees get their hair cut…
  4. Dark Forces is one of my favorite Star Wars computer games but I was never very good at it. In fact, I don’t think I ever beat it.
  5. The cover of the Imperial March by Rage Against the Machine is badass. Listen to it HERE.
    a. Rage Against the Machine is one of my favorite bands so I am completely biased in liking the cover. Plus, I love the Imperial March, so it all works out.
    b. I like to imagine Saw Gerrera and his partisans sitting around listening to Guerilla Radio.
    c. “Lights out, Guerilla Radio, turn that shit up!”
  6. The best part of The Phantom Menace is the duel between the Jedi and Darth Maul.
  7. I have absolutely no interest in going to Galaxy’s Edge. Theme parks just aren’t my thing and I really dislike crowds. If I ever go it will be with my son and only if he wants to go.
  8. If I taught an ethics class I would use Dark Disciple by Christie Golden as one of my required readings. The rationale the Jedi adopt for assassinating Count Dooku is challenging and worthy of deep examination.
    a. The novel does an incredible job of making the reader question the motives of the Jedi Council, particularly Yoda and Mace Windu.
  9. I can’t help but feel that Chirrut Îmwe and Baze Malbus are being under used in Star Wars storytelling. Were it up to me I would put them in Jedi: Fallen Order 2. I could easily see Cal Kestis traveling to Jedha City and running into them.
  10. If I was asked to write a Star Wars story it would be set in the months after Order 66 and would involve newly minted Inquisitors not only hunting down and killing Jedi but also the extended families of Jedi.
    a. Maybe I should just write some Star Wars fanfiction about this…

Ten Random Non-Star Wars Thoughts

  1. Biden-Harris 2020
  2. Starbucks coffee is overrated. I drink it if I have to but I prefer not to.
  3. Allons-y!!!
  4. I have found myself thinking quite a bit about Kurt Vonnegut recently. I can’t help but wonder what he would have to say about the current occupant of the White House, the state of our democracy, the Coronavirus pandemic, conspiracy theories, and more.
    a. Were he still alive I bet he would write an updated version of A Man Without a Country.
    b. Even though he wrote it in 2005 the book is still very relevant today. I just think he would want to add a little bit to it.
  5. Somehow I accidentally purchased a digital version of the new Bill and Ted movie. Admittedly, this is not the worst thing that could happen since I was going to rent it anyway. I just hope it is worth the $24.99 I paid because that is a Star Wars LEGO set I could have bought!
    a. “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.”
    b. “Be excellent to each other.
    c. “Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?”
  6. There are benefits and drawbacks to running a 6-2 and a 5-1 in volleyball. In my opinion, you should fit the system to the players you have rather than forcing players to adopt an offense they may not be capable of running.
    a. If you don’t know anything about volleyball and are confused then just google “volleyball 6-2 vs 5-1”
  7. The most absurd question I ever got from a student in one of my college religion courses was the following: “Where do baby horses come from?” Naturally, I proceeded to explain how horses mate.
  8. One of the most extreme toddler tantrums my son has thrown over the past month was when his banana broke and he couldn’t put it back together.
    a. Tantrums don’t even bother me anymore because I have transcended to a new state of parenthood where the screaming and crying just blend with the background noise pervading the universe.
  9. I absolutely love composting. It is so satisfying.
  10. Did I mention Biden-Harris 2020?

A Star Wars Haiku

Jinn and Kenobi
Use Jedi speed to escape
but only one time?

4-A7: The Caretaker Protocol Droid

It has been a while since I added a new post to my Protocol Droid series so I thought I would return to it once again. For this piece I decided to highlight another droid from The Clone Wars movie, in large part because the film is often overshadowed by the The Clone Wars animated series. Personally, I have always really liked the film, even believing (rightly, in my humble opinion) that it should be listed/ranked with the other Star Wars films. Just because it is animated does not make it any less of a Star Wars movie, but I will save that conversation for another occasion.

Previously, I brought attention to TC-70, Jabba the Hutt’s protocol droid which plays a small role as a translator in The Clone Wars movie. This time, I wanted to go from the TC-series to an RA-7 series protocol droid that also plays a minor but significant role in the film.

Masquerading as the caretaker protocol droid in the B’omarr Monastery on the planet Teth, 4-A7 is actually a spy working for the Separatist Alliance. When Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and his padawan Ahsoka Tano, along with the clone troopers of Torrent Company, defeat the battle droids garrisoned in the monastery 4-A7 greets them with a grateful attitude. “You have liberated me from those dreadful battle bots,” 4-A7 humbly states, deflecting any suspicions that may be raised. With the Jedi inquiring about the location of Jabba the Hutt’s infant son Rotta, 4-A7 points them towards the “detention level” where the child is being held captive by the Separatist droids.

Unbeknownst to Skywalker or Tano, rescuing the child is precisely what the Separatist’s want. With Rotta in the possession of the Jedi, 4-A7 performs his true task: recording the Jedi with the Huttlet so Count Dooku can show Jabba that it was the Jedi Order who kidnapped his son. His act as caretaker completed, 4-A7 plays one final and small part in the film a short time later.

With the Separatists launching an assault on the Monastery, this time to liberate Rotta from the Jedi and the clones, Skywalker and Tano flee with the Hutt to a landing pad on a nearby plateau. There, it is Ahsoka who discovers 4-A7 as she heads towards the nearby ship. “Hey, you’re that caretaker droid, I wondered what happened to you,” she states, the droid clearly caught off-guard by her presence. As the masculine-sounding 4-A7 explains “his” desire to get away from the fight, a few battle droids walk into view and tell the “caretaker” that they are ready to leave. “His” cover blown, 4-A7 orders the battle droids to attack but Ahsoka is up to the challenge, dispatching them with ease. “Don’t you dare,” 4-A7 indignantly declares as the young Jedi turns her green blade towards the droid. But Ahsoka is not swayed. With a swipe of her lightsaber, the disembodied head of 4-A7 bounces and rolls down the ramp of the ship, the phrase “don’t you dare” slowly fading away as the caretaker’s system shuts down.


Check out these other posts about random protocol droids in Star Wars:

U-3PO: The Other Protocol Droid

K-3PO: The Dead Protocol Droid

E-3PO: The Rude Protocol Droid

TC-14: The Federation Protocol Droid

TC-70: The Hutt’s Protocol Droid

R-3PO: The Red Protocol Droid

AP-5: The Singing Protocol Droid

4A-R2: The Pirate Protocol Droid

4-LOM: The Bounty Hunting Protocol Droid

TC-326: The Military Protocol Droid

Star Wars: On the Front Lines (Review)

Ever since it was published in 2017 I had my sights set on Star Wars: On the Front Lines. I am a sucker for Star Wars reference books, having spent countless hours of my life immersing myself in the minutiae of the Star Wars universe found in these source books. But I did not buy On the Front Lines when it first came out, instead opting to wait to purchase it. Recently, though, the book was gifted to me and needing something new to read I decided to dig in. And, I am happy to report, On the Front Lines definitely did not disappoint. 

Primarily detailing battles from The Clone Wars and the Galactic Civil War, but also one from the Age of Resistance, On the Front Lines takes readers quite literally to the front lines of some of the most important engagements in Star Wars. While author Daniel Wallace limits the number of battles that are explored – a perfectly reasonable decision considering how many battles are in Star Wars – he never-the-less chose one battle to examine from every live-action and animated Star Wars story to date. In fact, the only notable exception is Star Wars: Rebels, with no engagement from that series being discussed. Here is a list of battles that the author examines:

The Battle of Naboo (The Phantom Menace)
The Battle of Geonosis (Attack of the Clones)
The Battle of Christophsis (The Clone Wars movie)
The Battle of Ryloth (The Clone Wars animated show)
The Battle of Coruscant (Revenge of the Sith)
The Battle of Scarif (Rogue One)
The Battle of Yavin (A New Hope)
The Battle of Hoth (The Empire Strikes Back)
The Battle of Endor (Return of the Jedi)
The Battle of Jakku (Various Sources)
The Battle of Starkiller Base (The Force Awakens)

That Wallace chooses well-known battles from the Star Wars saga, battles that we have actually seen in film and on television, makes it easy for both casual and die-hard fans to digest and enjoy this book. Interestingly though, the clash I found myself most interested in reading about was the Battle of Jakku. As you can see from the list above, this is the only engagement discussed in the On the Front Lines that has never been depicted on-screen. Putting his penmanship and imagination to work, Wallace pulls from multiple sources (novels such as Lost Stars and Aftermath: Empire’s End) to piece together details about this relatively unknown fight. In doing so, he presents a vivid picture of the final battle in the Galactic Civil War, a brutal slugfest between the New Republic and Imperial Remnant that leaves wreckage and bodies littering the sandy dunes of the remote world.

Jakku-Starship_Graveyard-The_Force_Awakens_(2015)
Want to know how all those derelict Star Destroyers ended up on the surface of Jakku? On the Front Lines provides some context.
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

While I found myself intensely fascinated by Wallace’s presentation of the Battle of Jakku this does not mean I found the other battles any less interesting. Far from it! In every chapter, Wallace draws on the source material available – movies, television shows, books, comics, etc. – to craft a unique and fairly comprehensive picture of each engagement. Granted, there are points where Wallace does leave out information, or gives details only a cursory glance. For example, the space battle which takes place above Naboo in from The Phantom Menace is only briefly mentioned, with the focus instead being entirely on the ground battle between the Gungans and the Trade Federation’s Droid Army. As well, the space battle over Ryloth, depicted in The Clone Wars Season 1, Episode 19 (“Storm Over Ryloth”), where Ahsoka Tano uses a Marl Sabl maneuver to defeat the Separatist blockade, is entirely ignored. For some die-hard fans of Star Wars, these and other omissions may prove annoying but for this die-hard fan, I found myself enjoying what was in the book rather than brooding over what was not.

That being said, I can admit that I wish the book had even more in it. This is not a criticism, though. Rather, it is an acknowledgment that I really enjoyed the way each battle is presented, with a combination of big picture information, such as why the confrontation took place and how it unfolds, along with more focused detail on things like armor, weaponry, vehicles and tactics. Every chapter also offers little asides about individuals from each engagement, specific commanders from both sides, and a handful of soldiers and/or pilots who displayed incredible courage during the fight. And, to top it off, every chapter is loaded with captivating and wholly unique images courtesy of four superb illustrators (Adrián Rodriguez, Thomas Wievegg, Aaron Riley, and Fares Maese).

Finally, I would be remiss if I failed to mention that On the Front Lines contains a lot of information that I never knew about, or had never even considered,, about each of these Star Wars battles. In closing, then, I thought I would pick just one bit of of insight that I learned from this book. And what comes to mind immediately is a detail about The Battle of Christophsis. Or rather, aftermath of Christophsis. As we see in The Clone Wars movie, towards the end of this fight, Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi tricks the Separatist General Whorm Loathsom into believing that the Jedi intends to conditionally surrender his clone forces. However, this is a ruse, done with the hope of giving Anakin Skywalker and Ahsoka Tano more time to deactivate the Separatist deflector shields. Kenobi succeeds in his plan, and actually captures Loathsom moments later, but as Wallace writes,

“General Kenobi’s false surrender at Christophsis was a boon to the Separatist-controlled media, who viewed the incident as clear evidence of the Republic’s duplicity. Almost no conditional surrenders were offered by either side for the remainder of the war” (pg. 31).

Kenobi may have been successful in that moment, but his “false surrender” was not without long-term consequence. As the Clone War intensified, it would be the clones themselves, the actual soldiers doing the fighting on the front lines, who would pay the price for Kenobi’s actions.

Haikuesday: Star Wars Aliens

Desert Scavengers
Brown-robed, yellow-eyed Jawas
Utini,” they say.


Homeworld: Kubindi.
Kubaz with snout-like trunks speak
using vibrations.


Called “Squid Heads” by some,
the Quarren of Mon Cala
are a proud species.


Key trait: cone-shaped horns.
Gotal abilities are
extrasensory.


“Hard to meet a myth.”
Sentient, shapeshifting plants.
Neti from Myrkr.


Keeping to themselves,
the Kaminoans live out
past the Rishi Maze.


Breathing ammonia,
insectoid Gand are hidden
by respirators.


Exoskeletons.
Mathematical species.
Givin from Yag’Dhul.


Force technology.
An Infinite Empire.
Ancient Rakata.


Hailing from Toola.
Tusks protruding from their jaws.
Ferocious Whipids.

Haiku Addendum:
pronounce “Whipid” like Stewie
pronounces “Cool Whip”


Thisspiasian.
Serpentine body and a
very hairy face.


Malastare’s Natives.
Vicious Dugs walk on their arms
and use feet as hands.


Colonizing Gran
take control of Malastare.
The Dugs – furious.


A long-lived species.
Shi’ido first appeared in
Galaxy of Fear.


Short, Green, Pointed Ears.
Vandar, Yaddle, and Yoda.
Species’ Name Unknown.


Cycloptic biped.
Hailing from the planet Byss.
Green-skinned Abyssin.


Cremlevian War –
A galaxy ruined by
war-like Yuuzhan Vong.


The “friend from afar.”
The “stranger to be trusted.”
The Caamasi.


Fur-covered, wolf like.
The Shistavanen are a
rare sight in Star Wars.


Fur-covered, wolf-like.
Is that a Shistavanen?
Nope, it’s a Defel.


Water-based mammals.
A blowhole atop their heads.
The massive Herglic.


Ben Quadinaros.
The famous Toong podracer.
His engines explode.

I have a theory:
Han named Ben after the Toong.
I’m dead serious.


Neimodians.
Related to the Duros.
The latter came first.


Rodent-like beings.
Big ears and very dark eyes.
Chadra-Fan from Chad.


Saurian species.
Invasion of Bakura.
Bipedal Ssi-Ruuk.


Devilish mammal.
Males have horns, females do not.
Devaronians.


Mud as camouflage.
Red-skinned Mimbanese soldiers
ambush Stormtroopers.


Did you know that in
The Phantom Menace you can
see E.T.’s species?

Name: Asogians.
Homeworld: Brodo Asogi.
Lucas. Spielberg. Pals.


Hailing from Tibrin.
Amphibians with eye stalks.
The green Ishi Tib.


Insect-like Yam’rii.
Look for the praying mantis
in the Cantina.


Twelve-eyed insectoid.
A Vuvrian purchases
Skywalker’s speeder.


Eyes a glowing red.
Blue-skin and glint blue-black hair.
They are called the Chiss.


From the planet Merj.
Morseerians breath methane.
And have big cone heads.


I’m absolutely
positive I could outrun
a Gamorrean.


Wookiee. Gungan. Talz.
Trandoshan. Geonosian.
Sullustan. Lasat.


Rodian. Bothan.
Abednedo. Barabel.
Lamproid. Elomin.


Ewok. Dulok. Teek.
Sanyassan. Skandit. Yuzzum.
Jinda. Gupin. Gorph.


I could spend a day
listing Star Wars aliens.
There are so many!


It’s Star Wars quiz time!
Shistavanen or Defel
in the featured pic?


Check out these other Haikuesday 2.0 posts:

Imperial Atrocities

Luke Skywalker (ANH)

Luke Skywalker (ESB)

Luke Skywalker (ROTJ)

Dark Lords of the Sith

Star Wars Planets

The Great Jedi Purge

 

Haikuesday: Star Wars Planets

First Star Wars Planet
The desert world Tatooine
Home to a hero.

Peaceful Alderaan
Destroyed by the Empire
just to make a point.

Gas-giant Yavin:
On its fourth moon the Rebels
plot their strategy.

A cold, snowy world.
Rebels hide, Empire Strikes
The ice planet Hoth.

Swampy and humid.
Like something found in a dream.
The world: Dagobah.

City in the clouds.
High in Bespin’s atmosphere
Vader lays a trap.

The third gas-giant.
A forest moon in orbit.
The planet: Endor.

Found in the Mid Rim,
Naboo is home to Gungans
and also humans.

Core World: Coruscant.
The Republic capital
is one big city.

South of Rishi Maze,
aquatic Kamino is
a grand army’s home.

Clone Wars first conflict.
Droids and clones clash on the plains
of Geonosis.

A home to giants.
Wroshyr Trees and the Wookiees
The planet Kashyyyk.

Rocky and remote.
In the distant Outer Rim
you’ll find Utapau.

Anakin descends
into the fiery depths
of hell – Mustafar.

Crystalline Planet.
Christophsis invaded by
the Separatists.

Jabba’s son Rotta,
kidnapped and taken to Teth,
out in Wild Space.

“Why does everyone
want to go back to Jakku?”
A valid question.

Jedi world: Ilum.
Transformed by the First Order.
Now: Starkiller Base.

Lush forests, small lakes.
On Takodana you’ll find
Kanata’s Castle.

First Order Attack.
Hosnian Cataclysm.
Prime planet destroyed.

Verdant world: D’Qar.
Organa’s Resistance hides
in the Outer Rim.

Uncharted, unknown.
The birthplace of the Jedi.
Watery Ahch-To.

Agrarian world.
On ringed Lah’mu, Jyn Erso
hides with her parents.

Temperate planet.
Imperial labor camp.
The world: Wobani.

The cold, pilgrim moon.
Jedha orbits NaJedha,
pink and crystalline.

Rugged, mountainous
Eadu hosts a kyber lab
and Galen’s research.

Tropical Planet.
Scarif is the site of the
Rebellion’s first win.

Corporate Sector.
Desolate Cantonica
overflows with wealth.

A mineral world.
An old Rebellion outpost.
Blood-red crystal – Crait.

Han Solo’s home world.
Corellia is known for
its impressive ships.

Site of trench warfare.
Violent, bloody fight in
the mud of Mimban.

The wild frontier.
Vandor’s snow-capped peaks are a
climber’s paradise.

Spice Mines on Kessel.
Controlled by Pyke Syndicate…
…but that won’t stop Han.

Savareen Stand-off.
Enfys tracks her prey to the
sandy, ocean world.

In the jungles of
Numidian Prime, Solo
wins his greatest prize.

An ancient redoubt.
Fanatics worship the Sith
on dark Exegol.

Verdant Ajan Kloss.
A reborn Resistance hides
amongst its jungles.

Expansion Region.
Deserts but not desolate.
Vibrant Pasaana.

Occupied Planet.
Stormtroopers kidnap children
from Kijimi’s homes.

Watery Kef Bir.
The ocean moon of Endor.
Littered with debris.


Check out these other Haikuesday 2.0 posts:

Imperial Atrocities

Luke Skywalker (ANH)

Luke Skywalker (ESB)

Luke Skywalker (ROTJ)

Dark Lords of the Sith

Han Shot First

Standing on a cliff overlooking one of Savareen’s oceans, Han Solo aims a blaster at Tobias Beckett, his mentor-turned-adversary. It was Beckett who gave Solo the opportunity to flee the frontlines of the Imperial army and join his crew. As they worked together, traveling from Mimban and Vandor to Kessel and now Savareen, Beckett bestowed his vast knowledge of a scoundrel’s life on the young Corellian, offering insights into how to survive and thrive in the galaxy’s dark underworld. Now, on this sandy, wind-swept cliff the two square-off: Beckett attempting to flee with the coaxium the crew stole and Solo attempting to stop him.

Engaging in conversation, Solo explains to his “buddy” that he came as quickly as he could. Beckett in-turn goads the young man, explaining that Qi’ra, Solo’s childhood friend and romantic interest who joined them in stealing the coaxium, is a “survivor” and out to protect herself, not Han. To this, Solo tells Beckett that his problem is that he believes everyone is like him, but Beckett admits to Han that “you’re nothing like me.” It is at this point that Beckett slowly puts his finger on the trigger of the gun he holds in his hand. Distracting Han, Beckett emphatically states that “I hope you’re still paying attention because now I’m gonna tell you the most important…”

…a blaster shot echoes across the landscape and Beckett, in stunned silence, falls to the ground, a hole sizzled in his chest. Running over to him, Han grabs Tobias and holds him upright. Shocked and breathing hard, Beckett compliments Solo, admitting “…that was a smart move, kid, for once. I woulda killed ya.” Moments later, Tobias Beckett dies.


While Solo: A Star Wars Story was met with mixed reviews and a disappointing box office return, I will admit that I enjoyed the film even though I had some reservations before seeing it. Frankly, I did not believe that a Han Solo origin story was necessary, especially on the big screen, and I feared that offering too much about Solo’s past would dilute the iconic character whom Harrison Ford brought to life. Yet, after seeing the movie, I found myself impressed by a number of aspects of the film, especially  those aspects which offered insight into the character we met in the Original Trilogy. This is not to say I agreed with every way Han Solo is depicted in the film, but it is to say that I appreciate many of the ways Solo: A Star Wars Story adds fascinating and obvious (and at times subtle) background to Han’s thoughts/actions in the original Star Wars films in general, and A New Hope in particular.

One such point in Solo: A Star Wars Story which does this is the scene I described above where Han Solo shooting Tobias Beckett on the Savareen cliff. That Han shot first, before Beckett could draw his own weapon, is absolutely brilliant, a clear indication that Solo really has been listening to Beckett’s advice throughout the course of the film. And tragically, for Tobias Beckett, it is his advice to Han – to always be on guard, to trust no one, to be a survivor, etc. – which turns out to be his downfall. Plus, to add to this tragic twist of fate for the scoundrel, it is the DL-44 blaster which Beckett assembled and gifted to Solo which the Corellian uses to kill his former mentor.

Alone, this scene does a fantastic job of showing that throughout the course of the movie, Han has grown considerably in his understanding of living a scoundrel’s life. He has internalized the wisdom Beckett offered, recognizing the need for constant vigilance and realizing that the decision to shoot first is the surest way to save his own skin in a dire situation. In this regard, what is equally brilliant about this scene is how it parallels and informs the infamous scene in A New Hope where the bounty hunter Greedo confronts Han Solo.

Han Shot First

The smuggler, Han Solo, whom we have just met for the first time moments before, attempts to leave the Mos Eisley Cantina but is immediately stopped by the Rodian bounty hunter and is forced, at gunpoint, to sit back down. Doing so, he and Greedo engage in a back-and-forth over Han’s debt to the gangster Jabba the Hutt, with the Rodian explaining that Jabba has “put a price on your head so large every bounty hunter in the galaxy will be looking for you…” Han, for his part, does his best to talk himself out of the predicament, even suggesting he already has the money owed to the Hutt. But this is really his attempt to stall for time and, as he and Greedo talk, he slowly removes the DL-44 blaster from his holster. Taunting the smuggler by saying Jabba may only take his ship, Han adamantly declares that Jabba will take the ship “over my dead body.” With this, Greedo admits that he has “been looking forward to this [killing Han] for a long time.”

“I bet you have,” Han replies and without hesitation shoots Greedo, the bounty hunter’s body slumping forward onto the table.

To me, it seems rather obvious that the standoff between Solo and Beckett in Solo: A Star Wars Story was crafted with the Cantina scene in mind. The parallels are clear, even if the context for both confrontations are different and Han Solo’s role in both situations are flipped. Consider the following:

  • Greedo confronts Han at gunpoint in the Cantina; Solo confronts Beckett at gunpoint on the cliff.
  • Greedo holds his blaster in his right hand; Solo holds his blaster in his right hand.
  • Han stalls for time, forcing Greedo to maintain eye-contact, while making a move for the holstered blaster on his right hip; Beckett stalls for time, forcing Solo to maintain eye-contact, while moving his finger onto the trigger of the blaster he holds by his right hip.
  • Han shoots first, killing Greedo; Solo shoots first, killing Beckett.

On the surface, the scene on the Savareen cliff is meant to mirror the Cantina scene. However, if we dig down a little, one recognizes that the standoff between Solo and Beckett can inform Han’s confrontation with Greedo. We can now read a new layer into the Cantina scene and assume that Han knows he has been in this type of situation before, albeit in reverse. Staring at Greedo across the table, Han must recognize that just as he shot and killed Beckett years before, Greedo will do the same unless he acts to save himself. And surely Han knows he has an advantage which his former mentor did not: his own blaster is out of view, below the table he and Greedo sit at. Beckett’s blaster, though, was out in the open, and Han could keep his eye on it even as he listened to Tobias. This was why Han shot first, killing the man before Beckett could act. Later, in the Cantina, Han does exactly the same, carefully drawing his DL-44, not allowing Greedo to notice his movements, taking aim and firing the first shot, ending the Rodian’s life.

Ultimately, it is this parallel, that Han shot first, which is what truly makes these scenes work in tandem. I am certainly aware, of course, that the Cantina scene has been changed over the years, with one edit having Greedo shot first and Han second, and more recently another showing Han and Greedo firing at the exact same time. Frankly, I just ignore these edits and dismiss them outright. The original version of the Cantina scene is all that matters to me, nay it is the only version that makes sense to me because it affirms that he is a man who is in control of his own destiny, a man who will always act first and foremost with his own interests and self-preservation in mind.  And frankly, I am confident that the original version of the Cantina scene was all that mattered to the writer(s)/director of Solo: A Star Wars Story as well because, as he stood on the Savareen cliff, Han Solo was also in complete control and, when the moment for action arrived, it was Han, and not Beckett, who shot first.

Lando’s Luck (An Imperial Talker Review)

I was browsing some discounted books at Barnes & Noble one day and came across Lando’s Luck on the shelf. A middle-grade novel by Justina Ireland (with illustrations from Annie Wu) which was released in October 2018 as part of the Flight of the Falcon series of books and comics, I decided to give Lando’s Luck a chance and ended up taking it home with me. Besides, since the book was on clearance it was easier to justify the purchase, especially if, in the end, I ended up disliking it. Except, I actually really enjoyed the novel and, having finished reading Lando’s Luck, I am interested in continuing the Flight of the Falcon series.

Set before the events of Solo: A Star Wars Story – with the exception of the Prologue and Epilogue which are set around the time of The Force AwakensLando’s Luck chronicles the “flight of the Falcon” to the planet Hynestia, a frigid world best known for its prized gherlian furs. There, Lando Calrissian ends up being forced by Queen Forsythia Jin – the Assassin Queen – to deliver a valuable possession to the Galactic Empire on behalf of her world. This possession, the Solstice Globe, will be delivered to the Empire in lieu of Hynestia’s regular tribute of gherlian furs, a result of the latest shipment of furs having gone missing.  However, the Queen’s 13-year old daughter Rinetta has different plans for the Solstice Globe and, stowing away on the Millennium Falcon, sets out to recruit Lando and the droid L3-37 to her cause.

Rinetta
Princess Rinetta

Photo Credit – Lucasfilm Press Illustrator – Annie Wu

The protagonist of the novel whom young readers are meant to identify with, Princess Rinetta is a precocious girl who is determined to return the Solstice Globe to it’s rightful owners: the Lynna from the planet Livno III. The Globe, we come to learn, is one of three orbs – the other’s being the Rain Globe and Breeze Globe – which were created by “The Architects” to power a machine that provides Livno III with a stable, habitable climate. Sadly, we are given no detailed background about “The Architects,” a disappointing omission considering that the ability to control a planetary climate makes these “Architects” a pretty big deal. Regardless, long ago the orbs were lost in a war, and while the Rain and Breeze Globes were recovered, the Solstice Globe remained missing. Until, that is, it was discovered in the treasure vault on Hynestia by Rinnetta and her Lynnian mentor, Zel Gris.

With the Solstice Globe safely in the cargo hold of the Millennium Falcon, the story takes us from Hynestia, on the edge of Wild Space, to Neral’s moon in the Corellian system. There, Lando will find himself in dire straits thanks to his (surprise!) penchant for being a swindler who skips out on debts. Luckily, Rinetta’s unexpected presence on the Falcon will end up proving beneficial to Lando as she helps him escape from thugs and bounty hunters. And, after he is imprisoned back on Hynestia – the Queen and her royal guard track the Falcon to Neral’s moon – Rinnetta will free the scoundrel from the dungeon, making him promise to bring the Solstice Globe to Livno III for her help. Lando, we find out, takes promises very seriously and, once given, must see it through to the end (a good lesson for young readers).

While I dare not spoil the entire plot, I will note that Justina Ireland crafted an easy-to-follow tale for young readers. While there are certainly moments throughout where an older reader (translation: me) may question the way things unfold, this never really detracts from the overall narrative or enjoyment of the story. Moreover, for a Star Wars fan who is paying extra close attention they will discover that Lando’s Luck addresses a Star Wars concept that tends to be overlooked: the passage of time while in hyperspace. Essentially, Lando’s Luck acknowledges that hyperspace travel takes time, especially when venturing long distances. Consider the following quote towards the end of the book: “They spent a couple of days on the Millennium Falcon. The trip through hyperspace was a long one…” (pg. 147). While many Star Wars tales – books, comics, tv shows, movies, etc. – overlook or outright ignore this fact about hyperspace travel, it was nice to come across a handful of references, like the one above, acknowledging this reality.

L3-37
L3-37

Photo Credit – Solo: A Star Wars Story

Finally, what can be said about Lando and his droid – sorry, his first mate – L3-37? I genuinely enjoyed how Ireland presents them, capturing their individual voices and motives with care so they feel like the characters in Solo: A Star Wars Story. This is easily done with Lando as he is hellbent on 1) making money and 2) maintaining his own image. But it is doubly true for Elthree who, time and again, reminds us that she is an equal to Lando and other humans (and aliens). She is rightfully furious when a restraining bolt is attached to her and, given her belief in the rights of droids, chastises Princess Rinetta for the suggestion that a sentry droid could be used for her own spare parts. In short, I loved that when  L3-37 would speak I could “hear” actress Phoebe Waller-Bridge in my head.

Overall, I really enjoyed Lando’s Luck and I am glad I picked it up when I found it at Barnes & Noble. I not only recommend it for young readers who will identify with Princess Rinetta but likewise encourage older Star Wars fans to give it a read when they have time to check it out. 

Favorite Star Wars Music (by Film)

A long time ago…in 2017…I wrote a piece detailing why “The Imperial March” is my absolute favorite musical score in the Star Wars franchise. This admission came as little surprise to many of my trove of followers/readers as I have often professed my cultish admiration for The Empire Strikes Back (ESB) on this site. It stood to reason that The Imperial March would top my list considering the fact that the iconic anthem for the Galactic Empire/Darth Vader was first introduced in Episode V. Plus, given my “Casterfoian” obsession with the Empire, it stood to reason that I would likewise adopt the score as my all-time favorite.

While my unadulterated affection for all things ESB stands firm, and “The Imperial March” continues to receive constant replays on my Spotify account, there are never-the-less many other pieces of Star Wars music that have been elevated to the top of my musical mind. Hardly a shock – I am positive you can say the same if you happen to be a Star Wars fan – I wanted to take the opportunity to share a musical composition from each Star Wars film that I hold near and dear to my heart. For the sake of brevity, I have only chosen one from each film and decided to forgo long-winded explanations detailing why I love each piece, in large part because music is so damn personal it would take some of the fun out of it. Still, I may do a post for each at some point if the Force moves me to do so. We shall see.

Enjoy and be sure to comment with your own “faves” list!


A New Hope  “Tales of a Jedi Knight/Learn About the Force”


The Empire Strikes Back – “Yoda’s Theme”

While my heart will always be dedicated to “The Imperial March,” I decided to share another score from ESB in this particular list to mix things up a bit.


Return of the Jedi – “Leia’s New/Light of the Force”


The Phantom Menace – “The Droid Invasion and the Appearance of Darth Maul”

**Surprise! You were expecting “Duel of the Fates” weren’t you? Here is the deal: I love “Duel of the Fates” with a crazy passion but I likewise love “The Droid Invasion and the Appearance of Darth Maul.” I had to pick one and so I went with my gut. Besides, just listen to how the piece shifts when Maul is introduced! Holy frick that is haunting!!!!


Attack of the Clones – “Across the Stars”


Revenge of the Sith – “The Birth of the Twins and Padmé’s Destiny”


The Clone Wars – “Battle of Christophsis”


The Force Awakens “The Jedi Steps”

**I don’t care much for sentimentality but I readily admit that this piece gives me the feels. Like “Tales of a Jedi Knight/Learn About the Force”, “The Jedi Steps” packs an emotional punch by forcing me to imagine the Jedi Order, now a dying remnant, who once served and protected the galaxy far, far away. Between hearing this piece, and watching Rey literally walk the steps of the ancient Jedi, I was brought to tears in my first viewing of The Force Awakens.**


Rogue One“Your Father Would Be Proud”


The Last Jedi – “The Spark”


Solo: A Star Wars Story – “Savareen Stand-Off”

*Leave a comment with your thoughts about my list or share your own favorites!!!*

The Talker Toy Challenge Strikes Back

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

Episode V

The Talker Toy Challenge Strikes Back

It is a dark time for the Star Wars fandom. Although December is approaching, DISNEY will not be releasing a new Star Wars film for another year, instead assaulting fans with a new cartoon show, a legion of mediocre comic books, and toys, lots and lots of toys.

Evading the dreaded lack of a Star Wars film, a group of bloggers led by THE IMPERIAL TALKER have struck back with a new version of THE TALKER TOY CHALLENGE, encouraging fans of the franchise to buy Star Wars toys and donate them to children who are in need this holiday season.

The DISNEY CORPORATION, obsessed with selling merchandise and increasing stock value for their shareholders, has dispatched thousands of new Star Wars products into the far reaches of the globe. Little does DISNEY know that THE IMPERIAL TALKER is ridiculously good at never paying full-price for merchandise, finding troves of fantastic Star Wars toys on sale and on clearance…


Participating in The Talker Toy Challenge is easy!!!! Just follow these steps.

Step One: Purchase Star Wars toys.

Step Two: Donate said Star Wars toys to children who are in need. I bring the toys I collect (see the featured image above) to a local Toys for Tots drop-off site. 

Step Three: Encourage others to do the same by promoting The Talker Toy Challenge on your blog, podcast, social media, etc.!!! Be sure to use #TalkerToyChallenge when you do!

Step Four: Repeat Steps One, Two, and Three.

Leave a comment and let me know if you participate!