Prequel Trilogy

Separatist Profile: Whorm Loathsom

I have never really spent a great deal of time discussing the Confederacy of Independent Systems on this site. While the Separatist Alliance has popped up here and there, I’ve otherwise never discussed them at length. This surprises me because I have always had a deep fascination with the Confederacy. Since encountering the organization in Attack of the Clones, my interest in the Separatists has never really ceased to expand. True, they are the “bad guys” in the Clone Wars, their droid armies – led by the vicious General Grievous  – reaping havoc across the galaxy. But while the evil machinations of Grievous, Count Dooku and Darth Sidious, not to mention others like Nute Gunray and Poggle the Lesser, drive the deadly war effort for the Separatists, it is easy to forget that they do not represent the motivations of every member of the Alliance. This is no more apparent than with Mina Bonteri of Onderon, a former Republic Senator turned Separatist Senator who was introduced in The Clone Wars episode “Heroes on Both Sides.” In the episode, Bonteri – whose husband died a year prior during a clone assault on a Separatist military installation – presents herself as an individual who has legitimate feelings of discontent with the Republic. While she is friendly with Republic Senator Padme Amidala, both of whom agree that the war should come to an end, Mina Bonteri is never-the-less fully committed to the Separatist cause of independence from the Republic.

As a result of Bonteri’s views and choices to support the Separatist cause, I am left wondering why others chose to ally themselves with the Confederacy and join the war against the Republic. This is not to suggest answers can easily be found, or even at all. Unlike Bonteri, other Separatist figures are rarely given the chance to express their deeply held or personal views regarding the Republic or even the war. Moreover, the motivations of Separatist figures, especially in The Clone Wars animated show, are often one-dimensional, tending to present Separatists as entirely “evil.”

Consider how in the first act of The Clone Wars movie – an act which introduces the effervescent Ahsoka Tano  – we are also introduced to the Whorm Loathsom, the Separatist general leading the war effort on the planet Christophsis. While his name invites us to quite literally loathe him – why would we willingly side with someone named “Whorm Loathsom”? – he is “loathsome” precisely because he is battling the forces of dynamic duo of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. Moreover, he has pushed Kenobi and Skywalker to the breaking point, their forces having been backed into a corner and barely holding on thanks to a battery of artillery holding Loathsom’s tanks at bay. When Ahsoka Tano arrives on the battlefield, she does so during a short lull in the fight, a lull brought on by Loathsom when he chooses to disengage his tank forces to keep them out of range of the cannons. 

With the story focused entirely on the three Jedi, their bleak situation, and the cunning plan they conjure to combat the renewed Separatist assault, we are never given the chance to view Loathsom as anything but a bad guy facing off against the good guys. Now, I am not going to go out of my way to suggest that Star Wars fans should be cheering for the Separatists at the beginning of The Clone Wars film. Nor will I try to persuade you that the film should have given us more of Loathsom’s backstory. But what I will offer is a two-fold suggestion:

  1. General Whorm Loathsom is clearly a much more gifted commander than either Kenobi or Skywalker.
  2. It is worth asking why Loathsom chose to join the Separatist cause, wanting to know more about his backstory so as to better understand what led him to the point of commanding the Separatist forces during the Battle of Christophsis.

In regards to the first point, it is worth reiterating what I already said: at the outset of the film, the clone battalion which Kenobi and Skywalker command have been backed into a corner by Loathsom. For all intents and purposes, the outcome of the Battle of Christophsis is already decided, with Loathsom having effectively won the tactical engagement. Pulling his forces back because of the Republic cannons, Loathsom chooses a new strategy: advancing his forces while under the protection of a shield generator. It is a brilliant decision that immediately neutralizes the Republic artillery fire. Without any conventional answers available Kenobi, Skywalker (and Tano) must enact an unconventional plan to stop Loathsom. With some cunning and deception the Jedi and their clone forces are able to come out victorious, but not because Anakin and Ahsoka end up destroying the shield generator. This is certainly an important part of the Republic victory but it is not, in my assessment, the reason the Republic wins. Rather, it is because Kenobi is able to capture Loathsom that the battle is concluded. Even with the shield generator destroyed, had Loathsom not been captured he could have simply disengaged his forces once again and developed a new strategy.

Kenobi captures Loathsom
Obi-Wan captures General Loathsom.
Photo Credit – Star Wars: The Clone Wars

But underneath Loathsom’s prowess as a field commander is a deeper question: why is Whorm Loathsom a Separatist general? His backstory resides entirely in shadow, although a small nugget lurks within The Clone Wars when Obi-Wan Kenobi, using flattery, tells Loathsom, “…you’re a legend throughout the Inner Core.” There is no reason to assume Obi-Wan is lying and, as such, Loathsom’s “legend” as a general is a tantalizing morsel. For myself, the desire to know more about his legend burns bright, wanting to discover what sort of military campaigns he previous led. While it is unlikely his legend as a general will ever receive any serious treatment I can, never-the-less, hold out hope that it will be (maybe I will just fill in the gaps by writing some Whorm Loathsom fan fiction…). Moreover, the question regarding his decision to take up arms against the Republic, his personal motivations for doing so, persist. For whatever reason, he chose to bring his military prowess, his “legend,” to the Confederacy and, until we are given even one line (even in a reference book!) answering “why” he did so we will be left in the dark. 

This is really too bad because without a motivation for joining the Separatists, Whorm Loathsom is just another “bad guy.” Perhaps his reason for joining is actually a nefarious one and he truly is just a bad guy with bad intentions. That is certainly one option but the possibility also exists that he, like so many others, viewed the Republic as corrupt and felt compelled to act to create a more just galaxy. Or, maybe his homeworld of Kerkoidia chose to secede from the Republic and he was honor-bound to defend the planet.

But these are just guesses and, well, your guess is as good as mine.

Favorite Star Wars Music (by Film)

A long time ago…in 2017…I wrote a piece detailing why “The Imperial March” is my absolute favorite musical score in the Star Wars franchise. This admission came as little surprise to many of my trove of followers/readers as I have often professed my cultish admiration for The Empire Strikes Back (ESB) on this site. It stood to reason that The Imperial March would top my list considering the fact that the iconic anthem for the Galactic Empire/Darth Vader was first introduced in Episode V. Plus, given my “Casterfoian” obsession with the Empire, it stood to reason that I would likewise adopt the score as my all-time favorite.

While my unadulterated affection for all things ESB stands firm, and “The Imperial March” continues to receive constant replays on my Spotify account, there are never-the-less many other pieces of Star Wars music that have been elevated to the top of my musical mind. Hardly a shock – I am positive you can say the same if you happen to be a Star Wars fan – I wanted to take the opportunity to share a musical composition from each Star Wars film that I hold near and dear to my heart. For the sake of brevity, I have only chosen one from each film and decided to forgo long-winded explanations detailing why I love each piece, in large part because music is so damn personal it would take some of the fun out of it. Still, I may do a post for each at some point if the Force moves me to do so. We shall see.

Enjoy and be sure to comment with your own “faves” list!


A New Hope  “Tales of a Jedi Knight/Learn About the Force”


The Empire Strikes Back – “Yoda’s Theme”

While my heart will always be dedicated to “The Imperial March,” I decided to share another score from ESB in this particular list to mix things up a bit.


Return of the Jedi – “Leia’s New/Light of the Force”


The Phantom Menace – “The Droid Invasion and the Appearance of Darth Maul”

**Surprise! You were expecting “Duel of the Fates” weren’t you? Here is the deal: I love “Duel of the Fates” with a crazy passion but I likewise love “The Droid Invasion and the Appearance of Darth Maul.” I had to pick one and so I went with my gut. Besides, just listen to how the piece shifts when Maul is introduced! Holy frick that is haunting!!!!


Attack of the Clones – “Across the Stars”


Revenge of the Sith – “The Birth of the Twins and Padmé’s Destiny”


The Clone Wars – “Battle of Christophsis”


The Force Awakens “The Jedi Steps”

**I don’t care much for sentimentality but I readily admit that this piece gives me the feels. Like “Tales of a Jedi Knight/Learn About the Force”, “The Jedi Steps” packs an emotional punch by forcing me to imagine the Jedi Order, now a dying remnant, who once served and protected the galaxy far, far away. Between hearing this piece, and watching Rey literally walk the steps of the ancient Jedi, I was brought to tears in my first viewing of The Force Awakens.**


Rogue One“Your Father Would Be Proud”


The Last Jedi – “The Spark”


Solo: A Star Wars Story – “Savareen Stand-Off”

*Leave a comment with your thoughts about my list or share your own favorites!!!*

The Fate of Master Sinube

Admittedly, writing a piece about “the fate of Master Sinube” is a rather straightforward endeavor. Barring some freak accident or a natural death, Tera Sinube – the elderly Jedi Master who assists young Ahsoka Tano track down lightsaber in The Clone Wars episode “Lightsaber Lost” – most certainly died during the Jedi Purge, his fate sealed when Order 66 was put into effect. In fact, we can probably be even more specific and say that he died in the Jedi Temple, perhaps shot by clone troopers or struck down by the blade of Darth Vader. True, he may have escaped the Temple on that fateful day, much like Jocasta Nu, perhaps fleeing individually or with other Jedi, but that also seems unlikely. No, I believe it is safe to say that Master Sinube encountered the same fate as most of the Jedi that day, meeting his end in a tragically violent way.

Sinube and Tano
Ahsoka Tano walks with Master Sinube.

Photo Credit – The Clone Wars Season 2, Episode 11: “Lightsaber Lost.”

While we may surmise that Sinube met his end on that fateful day, a question never-the-less persists in my mind: what were his final moments like? Where in the Temple was the elder Jedi and, like others in the Temple, did he put up any form of resistance? Personally, I like to believe he did. Elderly he may have been, his actions in “Lightsaber Lost” demonstrate that he was far from needing geriatric care. Master Tera Sinube most certainly did not go down without an act of resistance. In fact, we might take this thought a step further, extending the faculties of the imagination with a bold suggestion: on that horrible day, Master Tera Sinube stood his ground first against clone troopers, and then against Darth Vader.

Wisdom of a Jedi Elder

It is easy for me to believe that as the Temple came under attack, Sinube took it upon himself to safeguard Jedi younglings against the onslaught, perhaps even rallying a handful of Knights to lead the younglings away from the fray. I can picture Sinube giving orders, demanding that these Knights seek out one of Sinube’s contacts in Coruscants criminal underworld. Master Sinube was, after all, an expert on the underworld, and surely would have known a contact willing to help the Jedi flee the world. Implored by the younglings and Knights to join them, Master Sinube would have been reassuring but firm: “The Cosmic Force beckons me to return home. Go, I will hold off your pursuers.”

Clearly, there are any number of ways to imagine how Sinube’s final moments of life played out. Even as I write these words, the possibilities abound, the imagination running in numerous directions. But what my heart tells me is this: Master Tera Sinube did not even draw his lightsaber, instead leaving it confined in his cane. Wouldn’t this very contradict what I said in a paragraph about, that Sinube most certainly resisted the clones and Vader? Only if we assume that resistance must involve violence. 

A wellspring of Jedi wisdom and knowledge, thoughtful and patient in his actions (as we see in “Lightsaber Lost”), I believe Tera Sinube confronted his clone attackers that fateful day with only the Force as his ally. As the clones burst into the room, DC-15 blasters blazing away at an easy target, Sinube would move quickly, not harming but disarming his assailants. With care and precision, fully attuned to the Force, the Jedi Master systematically incapacitated the clone soldiers, debilitating but not killing, doing so with the gentle touch of the Light Side. 

Unable to break through the stalwart defense of their elderly opponent, comrades falling left and right – some getting back up to rejoin the struggle only to be knocked down again – eventually the word would spread through the Temple that the clones needed reinforcements to break through Sinube’s defense. And a reinforcement would arrive, not in the form of more clone squadrons, but the shadowy figure of a Dark Lord of the Sith. 

Vader March
Darth Vader marches into the Jedi Temple with his clone soldiers.

Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Undoubtedly, Master Sinube could sense the Dark presence within the Temple from the very beginning of the attack. Now, as the clone assault on his position waivered once again, he felt the Dark figure moving towards him, and was about to enter the room. But Sinube, I am certain, also knew from the very beginning that the Dark Lord in question was, only recently, a Jedi. When the Sith entered the room, Sinube was calm and unsurprised – he knew he was about to see the face of Anakin Skywalker.

Vader’s blue blade already ignited, the two stood for a moment looking at the other. Suddenly, the blade was extinguished and Vader moved forward until he was but a foot or two from the elder Jedi. Extending his right arm, the Sith wrapped his hand around Sinube’s neck. But before he could squeeze, Master Tera Sinube looked into the eyes of his destroyer and, with peace in his voice, uttered his final words:

“I forgive you, Anakin.”

The Talker Toy Challenge Strikes Back

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

Episode V

The Talker Toy Challenge Strikes Back

It is a dark time for the Star Wars fandom. Although December is approaching, DISNEY will not be releasing a new Star Wars film for another year, instead assaulting fans with a new cartoon show, a legion of mediocre comic books, and toys, lots and lots of toys.

Evading the dreaded lack of a Star Wars film, a group of bloggers led by THE IMPERIAL TALKER have struck back with a new version of THE TALKER TOY CHALLENGE, encouraging fans of the franchise to buy Star Wars toys and donate them to children who are in need this holiday season.

The DISNEY CORPORATION, obsessed with selling merchandise and increasing stock value for their shareholders, has dispatched thousands of new Star Wars products into the far reaches of the globe. Little does DISNEY know that THE IMPERIAL TALKER is ridiculously good at never paying full-price for merchandise, finding troves of fantastic Star Wars toys on sale and on clearance…


Participating in The Talker Toy Challenge is easy!!!! Just follow these steps.

Step One: Purchase Star Wars toys.

Step Two: Donate said Star Wars toys to children who are in need. I bring the toys I collect (see the featured image above) to a local Toys for Tots drop-off site. 

Step Three: Encourage others to do the same by promoting The Talker Toy Challenge on your blog, podcast, social media, etc.!!! Be sure to use #TalkerToyChallenge when you do!

Step Four: Repeat Steps One, Two, and Three.

Leave a comment and let me know if you participate!

Going Solo: Darth Maul

Before writing my previous post – Talkerverse: Vader Kills Maul – my intention had been to write this post. Wanting to discuss (spoiler!) Darth Maul’s incredibly brief cameo in Solo: A Star Wars Story, I sat down to write but my brain had other intentions. Acquiescing to my train of thought, I ran with my imagination and wrote about how I think Vader should have killed Darth Maul in Revenge of the Sith. You can go read all about that (click HERE) but for now let’s chat about that surprising Solo cameo…

Soooooo, yeah, Darth Maul makes an appearance in Solo: A Star Wars Story. How about that? I dunno about you, but I DID NOT see that coming. As I watched the film, and it started to become clear that the film’s antagonist, Dryden Vos, was working on behalf of some shadowy figure, I was thinking it would end up being Snoke. Even up to the moment of Maul’s reveal, when he is contacted by Han Solo’s childhood friend Qi’ra, I believed we would be met by the face of the one-day First Order Supreme Leader. Never-the-less, seeing Darth Maul – and actor Ray Park reprising the character he brought to life in The Phantom Menace – definitely caught me off-guard.

As a die-hard Star Wars fan who has kept up with Star Wars stories across all mediums, it made complete sense that Darth Maul was the shadowy figure who instilled fear in the criminal Dryden Vos. After all, The Clone Wars animated show resurrected Maul from his bifurcated death and elevated him to the status of underworld crime lord. In The Clone Wars, as many of you may know (but some may not), Darth Maul unified a coalition of terrorists and criminal organizations under his authority, in turn using his nefarious organization to take control of the planet Mandalore. Maul’s actions – with the assistance of his brother Savage Oppress – launched him into galactic relevance, making it necessary for the Jedi, and his former Sith Master (Darth Sidious), to take him seriously as a threat. Following The Clone Wars, the four-part Son of Dathomir comic continued his Clone Wars era story-arc, while E.K. Johnston’s Ahsoka novel showed that Maul’s grip on the planet Mandalore was strong even at the wars end. As well, Maul once again re-emerged in Star Wars Rebels, a menace to the Lothal rebels with his life finally coming to end on Tatooine when he confronts, and is killed by, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

maul
A very broken Darth Maul in The Clone Wars. I discuss how he survived his death in my post Cheating Death: The Dark.

Photo Credit – Star Wars: The Clone Wars Season 4 Episode 21, “Brothers”

While I was surprised to actually see Maul onscreen, I was otherwise unsurprised he was the “phantom menace” directing the actions of Dryden Vos. Having kept up-to-date with Maul’s story-arc, and knowing his criminal dealings, it really made complete sense. That being said, following my first viewing of Solo, I could not help but ask myself: for someone who is more of a casual Star Wars fan, who is only interested in the movies, were they surprised, or perhaps even confused, to see Maul? After all, for those individuals, their experience of Darth Maul would have begun and ended with his introduction and death in The Phantom Menace.

Luckily, I was able to ask two of those “movie-only” Star Wars fans, my neighbors, when I got home from my first viewing of Solo. As I stood outside chatting with them, I asked for their thoughts and they acknowledged that they left the movie theater feeling confused by Maul’s appearance. As I explained that the Sith Lord was resurrected in The Clone Wars, and noted that his story has continued beyond that, one of my neighbors (Sara) said something which caught me off-guard: that she is less likely to watch Star Wars movies in the future if the story is just going to be changed in tv shows, books, and comics. 

While her feelings are specific to her experience, I could certainly, sympathize and understand what she was saying. While I really like Darth Maul’s post-resurrection storyline (…with the exception of his demise in Star Wars Rebels…) I can also admit that I was incredibly annoyed by his resurrection in The Clone Wars. Even though Darth Maul is only in a small amount of The Phantom Menace he was never-the-less an exceedingly important part of the story. We knew, in the film, that Maul was serving Darth Sidious, executing the machinations of his Master. While Sidious had to stay behind the scenes – he is “the phantom menace” – Darth Maul revealed himself to the Jedi as a threat they were clearly unprepared to face. And, when he is sliced-in-half by a young Obi-Wan Kenobi – making it pretty damn obvious that Maul was killed – the Jedi are left to wonder: which Sith Lord died, the Master or the Apprentice?

Maul's Death in TPM
The face of a Sith Lord who was just bisected. It’s reasonable to think he just died.

Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

As it turns out, neither died.

While I have since grown to appreciate Darth Maul’s post-resurrection arc, and definitely understand his cameo in Solo: A Star Wars Story – knowing as I do all the nuances and baggage that goes with it – I can also understand and appreciate why my neighbor felt confused and unhappy. For her, and certainly for many others, the Star Wars films represent the pinnacle of Star Wars. For them, the movies, and only the movies, are what matter. Period. Full stop. They are uninterested in TV shows, comic books, novels, video games, precisely because Star Wars is a series of films. And, as a result, suddenly seeing a character you thought was dead – without any explanation what-so-ever regarding how he survived being cut in half – is undoubtedly annoying and off-putting. Which leads me to this:

I really believe that cameo should have been Snoke, not Darth Maul. The connections that could have been made between Solo and the Sequel Trilogy with a small cameo by Snoke would have been incredibly profound and forward-thinking, while simultaneously ensuring that movie-only fans like my neighbors were not left scratching their heads. But I will hold off on offering my “Snokey” thoughts in any greater detail for now, and you can just wait for my future post on the topic – Talkerverse: Snoke Goes Solo

Leave a comment and tell me what you think about Darth Maul, his story-arc, and his cameo in Solo: A Star Wars Story. AND, be sure to check out all of my other Darth Maul posts (just put his name into the search bar). 

Talkerverse: Vader Kills Maul

I have always held the opinion that Darth Maul should have survived his confrontation with Obi-Wan in The Phantom Menace, and that his story-arc should have reached its finale in Episode III. Disregarding entirely that Darth Maul DOES survive, that he was resurrected from the dead in The Clone Wars animated series and has since made appearances in a number of post-Prequel stories, my belief that Maul should have been a menacing presence in every Prequel film is built upon a rather simple premise. In short, Anakin/Darth Vader should have been the one to kill Darth Maul.

Allow me to paint you a picture with my imagination brush. Darth Maul is still alive and in Revenge of the Sith, and takes full-command of the Separatist cause after the death of Count Dooku and General Grievous. Safeguarding the leaders of the Confederacy on Mustafar, a small Jedi fighter arrives on the volcanic world and Maul goes out to meet this foe. The Sith Lord instantly recognizes the individual: it is the Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker. We know the truth – Anakin Skywalker is no more, the man before Maul is the newly minted Sith named Vader and he has been ordered by Darth Sidious, his new Master, to kill the Separatist leaders as well as Maul. It is a test for Vader: kill your rival and take his place, or perish. Vader is up for the challenge.

Darth Maul leaps into action, his double-bladed saber viciously slashing and hacking at Vader. Deflecting the violent blows with his blue lightsaber, Vader is at first caught off-guard by the rage-filled attack. Gathering himself, anger swelling within him, the new Sith Lord goes on the offensive. Now Darth Maul staggers backwards. He has fought and killed Jedi before – Padawans, Knights, and Masters – but Maul has grown complacent throughout the Clone War. He has been such a menacing presence to Jedi that he has left his flank unguarded against a Dark Side for. Darth Sidious knew this, could see that Darth Maul was in need of a true challenger. If he survives this fight, if he kills Vader, then Maul will be a newly sharpened weapon which Sidious can use.

The battle of blades comes to a momentary pause, Maul and Vader alike unable to land a killing stroke. Starring each other down, it is Maul who  speaks first:

“I sense the darkness within you, Jedi. Tell me, has my Master chosen you to test me?”

“I am no Jedi…” Vader responds with scorn “…and he is my Master now.”

Amused and laughing, Maul replies with obvious derision: “You are naïve, young Jedi, if you believe you will replace me.”

Turning his back to Vader, Maul pauses to looks out at the hellish landscape before he speaks again. 

“Do you remember what I did to your first Master? To that fool Qui-Gon Jinn?”

Anger obviously swelling within Vader, rage contorting his face, Maul confidently continues his mocking tone:

“I should have slaughtered him sooner…on Tatooine. I should have slaughtered him…and his Padawan…and you, Ani. And then…”

Reigniting his blue blade, the rage within Vader ready to spill out, Maul speaks one last time:

“….and then I should have slaughtered Amidala.”

Both hands on the hilt of his saber, Vader launches into a vicious assault and Maul greets it head-on. The clash is unlike the choreographed acrobatics of their fight from moments before. There is no twisting of bodies or twirling of sabers. Now, their battle is purely driven by a desire to destroy the other, their blades being used not as elegant weapons but as bludgeons. Hacking and chopping, deflecting and countering, the two raged-infested Sith give no ground, take no footsteps backward. They are locked in a stalemate, unwilling to give an inch, frozen in a battle of wills against the backdrop of a volcanic, smoked-filled landscape.

Frozen, that is, until Vader finally lands a blow, slicing downward across Maul’s face and chest. Staggering backwards, scars glowing from the heat of Vader’s saber, the demonic-looking Zabrak attemps to recover but Vader moves in. Sidestepping and moving past Maul’s desperate strike, Vader reverses the direction of his saber and drives it upwards into Maul’s back, the tip coming out of the Dark Lord’s chest. Lingering for a moment, Vader yanks the blade from his foe, allowing Maul – agony and the recognition of death on his face – to sink to his knees. Turning as his blade is extinguished, Vader kneels behind Darth Maul, leans in, and softly speaks:

“You have been replaced.”

Rising, Darth Vader walks around the dying Sith Lord and, we can assume, towards the facility beyond, on his way to kill the Separatist leaders within. But the camera lingers on Maul – the landscape of Mustafar behind him – and we watch as the Sith Lord slumps forward and dies.

Killing the Devil, Replacing the Devil

There is obvious religious symbolism in Star Wars and perhaps one of the most obvious forms of symbolism is in the form of Mustafar. Essentially, Mustafar is meant to symbolize Hell. When Vader travels to the volcanic world in Revenge of the Sith, he is descending to Hell, a descent which visually captures his internal descent into darkness. While his conversion to the Sith Order took place in the ecumenopolis of Coruscant, he is baptized in this Mustafarian Hell, transformed by eternal fire and subsequently reborn in his iconic suit of armor. And yet, I have always felt one element was missing on Mustafar: the Devil.

Lava on Mustafar
Mustafar = Hell
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

There is obvious religious symbolism in Star Wars and perhaps one of the OTHER obvious forms of symbolism is Darth Maul. Darth Maul looks the way he does – horned head, red and black face, intense yellow-eyes, black robe – because he is a visual representation of evil. He looks like the Devil because he IS the Devil. And, as such, I have always believed Vader should have descended into Hell with the distinct intention of killing the Devil. While his massacre of the Separatist leaders is violent and shows that he is continuing down his dark path, the added layer of Vader killing the Devil in the Devil’s own lair would have added incredible weight to Anakin Skywalker’s descent into Darkness. 

But this added weight is not solely based on Vader’s killing a character serving as an archetype and personification of evil. Killing the Devil is certainly profound in and of itself but Vader would have also been replacing the Devil, becoming the new archetype and personification of evil. It would not have been out of goodness of heart, or a willingness to safeguard the galaxy, that he traveled into Hell to vanquish the Devil. No, he would have killed the Devil precisely because he wanted to become the Devil. Only by descending into the darkness could he make his ascension, earning his title, position, and power as Dark Lord (of the Sith) by violently ripping it away from his adversary.

That is, after all, the nature of the Sith and the Dark Side of the Force.

Epilogue

Darth Sidious steps out of the shuttle, surveying the Mustafarian landscape. He can sense Darth Vader, feel the pain and agony bleeding off of the badly injured Sith. As he moves down towards the end of the large landing platform, he passes the Jedi Starfighter which Vader had taken tot he world, and the body of Maul comes into view beyond it. Sidious walks up to the body, pauses, and looks down. Reaching out with his right hand, he uses the Force to call the double-bladed saber to him. Now in his hand, he crushes it, the broken pieces falling onto the broken body of Maul. Opening his hand and a red crystal sits on his palm. Laughing to himself, Sidious closes his fist and moves on to find his new Apprentice. 

Later, after Darth Vader has recovered, and is entombed in his suit, Sidious will hand him the crystal and give him a single order: “Construct a new lightsaber.”

The Imperial Talker: A New Beginning

I have always loved the AT-AT debate. You know, the debate between Star Wars fans about how to say actually “AT-AT.” Is it literally said using the word “at” or is one supposed to pronounce the letters “A” and “T”? Personally, I have always said “at”-“at” but only because my childhood self grew up saying it that way. Admittedly, this made pronouncing the AT-ST (aka the Chicken Walker) all the more difficult. I mean, let’s be honest, the “st” sound alone is proof that all forms of walkers in Star Wars are supposed to be pronounced with letters/numbers, not words or sounds.

AT-AT: “A” “T” “A” “T”
AT-ST:  “A” “T” “S” “T”
AT-TE:  “A” “T” “T” “E”
AT-DP: “A” “T” “D” “P:
AT-M6: “A” “T” “M” “6”

As an adult, I still say AT-AT using the word “at” although, in fairness, old habits rooted in childlike wonder die hard. And honestly, who the hell really cares? After all, it is all in good fun.

Battle of Hoth 2
AT-ATs!!!!!!!
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

There are an endless number Star Wars debates to be had (hardly a revelatory statement) and those range from the fun and silly to the difficult and controversial. A fictional universe that is grounded in the minds and imaginations of real-world creators/fans will naturally breed all sorts of conversations, and this has certainly exploded in our modern social media age. Which brings me to this: it is really fun having these conversations and debates with Star Wars fans until things turn sour. And they turn sour way too damn much, particularly online and especially on Twitter.

Take the Prequel Trilogy as an example. I was 14, 17, and 20 years old respectively (1999, 2002, and 2005) when I watched the Prequel films. At the time, I was enamored by these new Star Wars movies, swept away watching the story of Anakin Skywalker play out on the big screen as he spiraled toward the dark side (I even wrote a paper in graduate school about his dark spiral). In my late youth/early adulthood I had no idea there were people who truly felt the Prequels were abysmal Star Wars films. I was naïve, but not naïve about my own enjoyment of the movies, naïve because it simply did not dawn on me to question whether others felt differently than me. But, I grew older, and while I still find a great deal of enjoyment in the Prequels, I can also acknowledge that the Prequel Trilogy has some pretty remarkable flaws that I simply cannot overlook. I point out one of these flaws in my piece “Women of the Jedi Council” when I show that there are way too many men, and not enough women, on the Jedi High Council in Prequels.

Growing up as a Star Wars fan, but also hearing from others and doing my best to think critically about Star Wars, has enabled me to grow into my love of Star Wars with more sincerity. I do not need to naively accept everything about Star Wars to love Star Wars, and because I love Star Wars I am willing and eager to challenge what I see as flawed aspects of the franchise. The Prequels are one such example, an element of Star Wars I can both accept AND challenge. What I find equally fascinating is that quite a few people (on Twitter and elsewhere online) have called me a “Prequel Hater” precisely because I have offered critical takes on films I genuinely enjoy.

Haters Gonna Hate, Hate, Hate

I never knew I was a “Hater” (what a stupid word) of Star Wars in any form until I started interacting with other Star Wars fans online, specifically on Twitter. This isn’t to say I never had a debate with other fans of the franchise until I created my @ImperialTalker handle. Heck, my friend Mike (My Comic Relief) and I debate the ins/outs of Star Wars all the time. Our conversations can be intense, but our conversations are always civil. Jumping onto Twitter to promote this site was also a new adventure for me precisely because I didn’t realize I would be running into so many other Star Wars fans – with their own blogs and podcasts – who were quite militant in their opinions on Star Wars. It wasn’t long after I got on Twitter in 2015 that I was called a “Prequel Hater” for the first time, an irony because I spend quite a bit of time defending the Prequels, both online and offline. I guess I’m a Prequel Hater and a non-Hater. How awesome does that make me!?!?! #Winning #StarWars #Hater.

Jar Jar Binks
Jar Jar approves of my views on the Prequels.
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

That I have been called a “Prequel Hater” is pretty laughable, but that I have also had people online tell me that I seem to “Hate Star Wars” because I have offered unpopular perspectives and criticisms is the pinnacle of hilarious. Are there some things about Star Wars that really annoy me and I genuinely dislike? You betcha! Here, I will list a handful:

  • I think it is completely ridiculous that Padmé Amidala doesn’t speak with another woman in Revenge of the Sith.
  • I cannot stand that the franchise has yet to hire a woman or person of color to write/direct a Star Wars film.
  • I absolutely despise the idea of Kylo Ren and Rey being an “item.”
  • I really dislike that Ezra Bridger pulled Ahsoka Tano through a portal in time.
  • It really annoys me that LEGO hasn’t turned the Seventh Sister into a minifigure while the Fifth Brother – her less interesting counterpart – has one.
  • #YourSnokeTheorySucks – No, it really doesn’t (read more HERE).
  • Star Wars fans (primarily men) and fan-sites acting like the self-appointed authority/owners on all things Star Wars.
  • Fanboys harassing a Star Wars actress on Instagram just because they didn’t like her role in The Last Jedi (or really because they are racist and sexist).

From the way the franchise operates, to specific storylines, to fans ridiculing other Star Wars fans or acting like they are the “rulers” of Star Wars, to fanboys harassing women and people of color, there are A LOT of things about Star Wars I genuinely dislike. But I do not hate Star Wars and this is not up for debate. As a matter of fact, I think of this site as my never-ending love letter to Star Wars. And if offering criticisms of my “beloved” makes me a #Hater then so be it. I will wear that title with a badge of honor because I love Star Wars so damn much I want it to be better and do better across the board.

A New Beginning

As a Star Wars fan, my only responsibility to Star Wars is to like what I want to like, to dislike what I want to dislike, and ignore everything else. I cannot control how the Star Wars franchise and fan community operate; rather, all I can do is choose how I engage with the Star Wars franchise and fan community on my own terms. If I choose to write something praising Star Wars, I will do so. If I choose to write something that criticizes Star Wars, I will do so. If I want to buy a new Star Wars toy as part of my Talker Toy Challenge, I will do so. If I decide to ignore a new Star Wars movie, or novel, or comic because it doesn’t look appealing, I will do so. If I choose to go to Star Wars Celebration, I will do so. And so on and so on. I think you get the point.

None of this makes me unique. Heck no, it makes me completely normal. I have the agency to control my relationship with Star Wars, to interact with the franchise and the fan community on my own terms. Which leads me to this: I am done with Twitter. I have decided to retire my @ImperialTalker Twitter account precisely because it just isn’t fun anymore and I don’t believe the Star Wars community on Twitter, which is notorious for constant bickering and outrageous toxicity, is worth the headache. I’m just over it, and quite honestly, I have better things to do with my time.

What will I be doing with my time, you ask? Writing more posts for this site, of course! You see, I don’t know if you knew this, but I think of this site as my love letter to Star Wars. And, well, I have a lot more to say about my beloved.

So stay tuned. I’m just getting started. 

Love for the Lucrehulk

I have said it once and I will say it again: my love of Star Wars – especially my love of specific elements within Star Wars – is based in large part on my experiences with the franchise as a kid. That very obvious and totally unnecessary first sentence out of the way, I’m just gonna get straight to the point:

I absolutely love the Lucrehulk-class Battleship.

Growing up, I always had a deep fascination for capital ships in Star Wars, with the Star Destroyer taking the obvious top spot in my list of favorites. While the iconic backbone of the Imperial fleet gets the gold medal from me, other capital ships have never-the-less stolen my heart. And that is precisely the case with the Lucrehulk.

Introduced in The Phantom Menace, the Lucrehulk-class Battleship is the backbone of the Trade Federation fleet. As a 14-year-old Star Wars fan watching Episode I in 1999, seeing the Lucrehulk blew my mind to pieces. Blockading the planet Naboo, the fleet of Federation battleships instantly captivated me and my imagination. Up to that point, at least on the big screen, we had only ever seen two types of Star Wars fleets: the Imperial Fleet and the Rebel Fleet. But this changed in the opening scene of The Phantom Menance with the introduction of the Trade Federation and their own capital ships. Now, a third fleet of ships existed, a fleet that could hold a world hostage over something as trivial as “taxation of trade routes.”

Ever since that first viewing of The Phantom Menace, ever since I encountered the Lucrehulk in the opening of the film, these battleships have held a special place in my Star Wars heart. Aesthetically these vessels were unique, neither having the angular form of the Star Destroyers or the obvious length of ships like Home One (the Rebel Flagship) or the Nebulon-B Frigate (the Medical frigate). Instead, the battleship is massive while also being compact, its circular outer body used for cargo, broken at the front, surrounding a bulbous core. Looking so fundamentally different from other Star Wars capital ships, the Lucrehulk, it’s curious but intriguing design, invaded my mind like the Federation invading Naboo, taking over without any resistance.

On a rational level, there is no reason the Lucrehulk should captivate me in the way it does. There are other ships that one could argue deserve more attention, and perhaps they are right. But then again, I’m not arguing from a place of rationality. My love for the Lucrehulk is entirely nostalgic, going back (at this point) 19 years to a formative moment in my youth. This is precisely why, while I DO have rational reasons for some aspects of Star Wars I love, and those that I don’t, I would never impose my rationality on the formative nostalgia of others. Someone very well might hate the Lucrehulk. They might hate the design, hate the Trade Federation, even hate The Phantom Menace. I won’t argue with them because I flipping love the Lucrehulk and that is all that matters to me.

And so, to articulate in some other way just how profound my feelings are when it comes to this vessel, consider this: I have watched and rewatched The Clone Wars episode “Storm over Ryloth” an absurd number of times because a Lucrehulk is the center piece of the Confederate blockade of Ryloth in that episode. This isn’t to say the battleship is the only reason I enjoy this episode of The Clone Wars animated show, but I constantly drawn back to “Storm over Ryloth,” at least in part, by the imposing circular giant in orbit over the Twi’lek home world. Besides, it looks really REALLY cool when Anakin crashes his Jedi Cruiser into the battleship.

Battle of Ryloth
A burning Jedi Cruiser (foreground) speeds towards the flagship of the Confederate blockade over Ryloth, a Lucrehulk-class Battleship (distant).

Photo Credit – Star Wars The Clone Wars (Season 1, Episode 19), “Storm over Ryloth”

Reflections on The Last Jedi

I can say, with little remorse, that I have not yet purchased The Last Jedi. This isn’t to suggest I never will. The need – not a want, a need – to place the film next to the other Star Wars films on my shelf will eventually take over. For now, I can fight that urge, pushing back against the feeling that my shelf looks incomplete. But why am I fighting this feeling? Why not give in and just buy the most recent installment in the Star Wars franchise? I am a die-hard Star Wars fan after all, so why haven’t I gone out of my way to purchase and obsessively watch the film? Good questions.

I don’t review films on this site. I don’t review films on this site because I am not a professional reviewer, a critic trained to offer an appraisal of a piece of work. I am a fan of Star Wars, I have opinions, but those opinions do not give me the authority to offer any truly nuanced or unbiased “take.” I don’t review films on this site, but I am never-the-less, here and now, ready and willing to offer my thoughts and opinions on The Last Jedi, doing so with as little bias as possible. But again, this isn’t a formal review, and I don’t get paid to say these things.

A Smattering of Things I Liked

Paige Tico
Paige Tico
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

I appreciate aspects of The Last Jedi. The movie has some remarkable moments, and to me none is more remarkable than the moment Paige Tico sacrifices herself to save the small Resistance fleet. Tico, a character who never utters a word, a ball gunner in a Starfortress Bomber blasting away at First Order TIE Fighters. In a desperate moment, with everything on the line, Paige climbs out of her gunner’s chair and performs an act of sacrifice heroism, unleashing the bombs that destroy a First Order Dreadnaught. The action saves the fleet; the action takes her life.

I appreciate aspects of The Last Jedi, and I genuinely appreciate the acting of Kylo Ren actor Adam Driver. I was captivated by Driver’s portrayal of Kylo in The Force Awakens. I was swept away by his portrayal in The Last Jedi. Kylo Ren is not just a villain in The Last Jedi, he truly is the “monster” Rey calls him. The Dark Side isn’t just strong in him, it consumes him in a flame that burns hotter than Mustafar. He is ready and willing to destroy everything to prove himself, to be like his grandfather, to be his grandfather, to be greater than his grandfather. Darth Vader, Lord of Death. Kylo Ren, Supreme Lord of Darkness. Redemption isn’t even on this guys radar. Only death, only destruction, only darkness, only power.

I appreciate aspects of The Last Jedi, and there are smattering of moments and characters and events I really enjoyed. I loved the design of the Resistance Bombers, the First Order Dreadnaught, the AT-M6 Walkers, the Resistance capital ships. I liked the geography of Crait, and the fact that Caluan Ematt is a General leading the Resistance forces on the planet. Laura Dern is great as Vice Admiral Holdo, although I wish her sacrifice – which is visually incredible – had been saved for Episode IX since it overshadows the sacrifice of Paige Tico. Carrie Fisher’s final portrayal as Leia Organa is  very moving (sans the weird space floating moment) and her final interaction with Luke, even though he isn’t physically present, is quite touching.

KyloRey
Kylo and Rey fighting together is a pretty cool sequence. Watch closely and you’ll notice that Rey should have easily been killed.
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

I could list other things, other aspects of the film I genuinely liked. But I am not here to just list things, and I don’t think you want to read a list. The truth is, those aspects of the film I just listed – and a few others here and there – are all I can muster when it comes to this film. I can identify “things” about The Last Jedi I liked and that is all. I envy those who have been so moved by this film, who have elevated it into top place in their Star Wars rank lists. I wish I could do the same – it wouldn’t supplant The Empire Strikes Back in my list but #2 is a fluid spot – but sadly I cannot. I am a life-long Star Wars fan and this film just doesn’t move me, it just doesn’t feel right. There are a handful of profound moments but this movie just isn’t very profound.

Wading into the Shallows

I am well-aware that those who love The Last Jedi see incredible depth in it, that they believe this film has done something to Star Wars that is magnificent, breathtaking, groundbreaking. I understand what they are saying, I even understand how they are thinking. I just don’t agree. The common refrain I run into is that the writer/director Rian Johnson has “let the past die,” jettisoning aspects of the Star Wars saga – even aspects of The Force Awakens – to tell a unique and different type of Star Wars story. Perhaps nothing points to this more clearly than by Rian Johnson’s depiction of Luke Skywalker as a broken shell of a Jedi, a man determined to die in-exile.

Heading into the film I knew Luke Skywalker was going to be broken in some form and I was perfectly fine with that reality. “Luke Skywalker has vanished” the opening crawl to The Force Awakens tells the audience in the very first line and to its credit The Last Jedi shows us that the line is not solely about being geographically lost. Heck, the film could have been titled “The Lost Jedi” because Luke Skywalker has completely lost touch with who he was when we last saw him in Return of the Jedi. “I am a Jedi like my father before me,” young Skywalker once proudly declared to the Dark Lord Sidious in the single most important moment in the Original Trilogy. “I’m ending all of this. The tree, the texts, the Jedi. I’m going to burn it all down,” he now tells Master Yoda (who appears as a Force ghost). Damn, the Luke Skywalker we knew really has vanished!!! It’s no wonder so many older fans of the franchise have lamented that this isn’t the Luke they remember…

Is This REALLY Luke?

In a guest post on this site – An Ignoble End to the Skywalker Saga – my friend Nancy  succinctly notes that the Luke Skywalker we experience in The Last Jedi “…could not cope with the crushing disappointment of Kylo’s turn towards the dark side and the guilt he felt towards letting Leia and Han down.” To this we can add that he feels equally guilty for Ben Solo’s ultimate turn to the Dark Side. You know, that moment when he stood above his sleeping nephew, ignited his green lightsaber and contemplated, momentarily, ending the boy’s life. When he recalls the event, Luke initially lies to Rey about what happened. Or rather, he offers a “Kenobian” point-of-view to his new protégé. But I digress. Ben Solo, frightened as he wakes and looks up at his uncle holding the blade, defends himself. Who wouldn’t? But then the young Solo does more, tearing down the Jedi Academy that Skywalker had built, killing the students (with the help of other students who had dark feelings?) and fleeing to the warmth, love, and manipulation of Supreme Leader Snoke.

That Ben Solo-turned-Kylo Ren destroyed everything Luke had painstakingly built in the years after Return of the Jedi makes sense. It was the story I expected after watching The Force Awakens. The surprising bit is that Luke Skywalker took a completely non-Luke Skywalker action which was the catalyst for Ben’s final step into the Dark Side. With the momentary ignition of his green lightsaber as he stands above his sleeping nephew, the scene from Return of the Jedi where Luke cast aside the exact same blade, refusing to kill his father, is itself thrown aside.

“This is not going to go the way you think,” Skywalker declares to Rey at one point in the movie. “Let the past die, kill it if you have to.” Kylo Ren tells Rey at another point in the film. Over and over again, The Last Jedi champions what it is doing: tearing down the foundations of Star Wars with something new and radical. The movie spends a lot of time self-referencing with quotes and metaphors (a building literally crumbles, burying Luke, when Ben defends himself) to prove this is the case, to make us believe we are watching a radically new and fresh version of Star Wars. The thing is…

I don’t buy it. From my vantage point, the self-references and metaphors – and the shallow depth of the film – are just clever tricks distracting us from the obvious. Namely, that we have seen this story once before:

A teacher takes on a gifted, young student who has incredible power. The teacher trains the student, but the student has dark thoughts and feelings, and those thoughts and feelings grow like a virus in the mind. Eventually, the teacher must confront the student, and the student fights back. While the teacher chooses not to kill the student, the damage is already done. The teacher is left feeling guilty and flees into exile. The student puts on a mask that represents their dark turn. Years later, the two finally confront one another again. The teacher is aware of their own shortcomings, that they failed the student. The student believes they are the more powerful now, but little do they know that their teacher is truly more powerful than the student can possibly imagine. Their final battle ensues, and in a critical moment, the student slashes a red blade through their former teacher…only to be left stunned and confused by their former teacher’s final lesson.

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker?
Luke Skywalker and Ben Solo?
Rey and *insert the villain from Episodes X, XI, XII*

LukevsKylo
Luke Skywalker and Kylo Ren face off on Crait.
Photo Credit – Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi


We Need to Talk about Rey

Speaking of Rey, for being the heroine of this new trilogy, The Last Jedi goes to ridiculous lengths to build her up through Acts I & II only to have her be a non-factor in Act III. Her story is an interesting one and I genuinely like Rey, but for all of her training with Luke, her Force connection with Kylo Ren, and her (brash) decision to run off and try to save Ben from the monster within him, her story is effectively set aside in the Final Act. Why? Because this film isn’t about Rey. It is really about Luke Skywalker and Kylo Ren. Don’t get me wrong, Rey has a lot of cool character development and some intriguing bits happen to her. Never-the-less, from my vantage point, Rey is ultimately set aside in what is supposed to be her own story. 

Of course, one could argue that Rey’s connection with Kylo Ren is the most fascinating aspect of the movie. In fairness, I wouldn’t entirely disagree. The relationship between Kylo Ren (Dark Side) and Rey (Light Side) is where a lot of the philosophical “depth” in The Last Jedi comes into play. This depth is certainly interesting, but it is a depth that is knee deep at best. For all of the Ontological-meets-Ethical Dualism which Rey and Kylo Ren represent, specifically as it relates to the “Balance of the Force” (whatever the hell that even means at this point), any opportunity to truly dive into the mysterious abyss of the Force never really happens. An opportunity certainly existed, one where Luke  could have helped Rey work through her connection to Kylo (and vice-versa with Snoke helping Kylo work through his relationship with Rey). This would have been a prime opportunity to highlight Luke (and Snoke) as mentors, while shedding light on this intriguing and new conception of the Force. Instead, the movie gives us only fleeting glimpses of these deeper philosophical undertones while simultaneously distracting us from them (i.e. – Kylo being shirtless; the two awkwardly touching hands; Rey running off to save Ben). Then again, I’m not sure the film even knows how to take things into the deep end of the pool. In fact, I would liken it to this: The Last Jedi (and Rian Johnson) give off the impression of a college freshman who took Introduction to Philosophy, read snippets from the I Ching, the Avesta, the Gathas, and The Jedi Path, and is now acting like a pretentious know-it-all who has minimal grasp on what they are saying. Which leads me to this…

“Getting” The Last Jedi

As Nancy and I were chatting recently about the film, she mentioned that “…there is this attitude that if you didn’t like Rian Johnson’s vision then you weren’t smart or deep enough to ‘get’ The Last Jedi.” In other words, it is as if one must possess a gnostic knowledge to truly “understand” the esoteric depth at the core of this movie. If only Nancy, or myself, or others who do not love and worship the film as a gift to Star Wars had the special knowledge to understand it, we would finally see just how profound The Last Jedi truly is. But like I said earlier, I really don’t think it is very profound.

For over two hours, I watched a film I had already seen before. Or rather, I watched a film that took thematic elements from a handful of films that I have already seen before. Don’t get me wrong, there ARE things in this film that are new, and things in this film that are intriguing. I mean, I have NEVER seen the aliens in the Canto Bight Casino before (but I have been confronted by never-before-seen aliens in a casino/cantina-esque setting before). Yet, for all the new stuff in this film, as a whole it just came off as an amalgamation of ALL the Star Wars films, pretending to be something radical and fresh while simultaneously offering philosophical possibilities that are never really teased out.

I envy those who have experienced The Last Jedi as this new and fresh dive into the Star Wars universe. Truly, I do. I wish I had the gnosis they possess and the connection tot he film that leads them to see it as philosophically deep and spiritually mystical. Then again, I don’t really believe there is any there “there,” or at least not enough to elevate The Last Jedi to the top of the Star Wars pantheon. Rather, The Last Jedi is just a film masquerading as something truly special, a “child in a mask” playing Star Wars dress up. Does it attempt some intriguing things, even getting away with a handful? Of course it does. But the thing is, if I want to really experience Star Wars, I will watch the Original six films. Hell, I’ll even watch The Force Awakens – which is also a derivative amalgamation but is at least AWARE it is – and I will definitely watch Rogue One – which woefully lacks women but is never-the-less a stellar homage to A New Hope. On the flip side, if I feel like watching something that is “technically” Star Wars but that thinks it is way smarter and self-important than it really is, I’ll watch The Last Jedi. Granted, I’ll need to buy it first, and right now I have better things to spend my money on.

Haikuesday: Coruscant

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Sorry for the wait,
I’ve been sitting in traffic
for-flippin-ever!

Was gonna write these
at home but I have time now
since we aren’t moving


Rakata Owners.
30,000 BBY.
Legends are the best.


Planet: Coruscant.
From: Heir to the Empire.
Lucas liked the name.


Entire planet,
an Ecumenopolis,
“just one big city.”


Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic


An onscreen debut
in Return of the Jedi
Special Edition.


A distant Temple.
Crowds pack streets celebrating
an Emperor’s death.


The Phantom Menace.
The Republic Capital.
Corruption Galore!


Corellian Run
and Perlemian Trade Route.
Region: the Core Worlds.


Places you should see:
The Senate building of course!
Jedi Temple, too.


Manarai Mountains.
NOT an urbanized landscape.
Still canon to me.


Need something to eat?
You should try Dex’s Diner.
Tasty Jawa Juice.


Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic


I wonder what the
planetary accident
rate happens to be.


Zillo Beast Terror!
Malastare to Coruscant.
Palpatine’s problem.


Honor Salima,
Coruscant Home Defense Fleet.
She is in command.


Coruscant below,
a Venator on patrol
as fire rages.

Seppie Invasion!
The Battle of Coruscant.
Massive engagement.

Invisible Hand:
Grievous’ dreadnaught, flagship.
Anakin “lands” it.


Republic dissolved.
Galactic Empire born.
Capital remains.

Official name change.
 Now: Imperial Center.
Thanks to Palpatine.


Super construction.
Buried beneath big buildings.
Dreadful Lusankya.


Deadly Krytos trap!
Isard unleashes virus
after the Rogues win.


Great Hyperspace War!
Sadow attacks Coruscant.
The Jedi rally.


Yuuzhan Vong control,
27 ABY.
Time to terraform!


The Jedi Temple,
sitting on a “Sithy” spot,
says James Luceno.


Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic


Hold up for a sec:
Do we ever see the dark
side of Coruscant?


The Koros Trunk Line,
from Koros to Coruscant.
Grievous and Sadow.


Grand plan: Asteroids.
Thrawn lays siege to Coruscant
using some space rocks.

Haiku Addendum:
The rocks are invisible.
Damn, Thrawn is brilliant!


Coruscant terror!
Grievous sends cleaning droids armed
with bombs to the world.


Sheev and Anakin.
Galaxies Opera House.
Performance: Squid Lake.


Clone Commander Fox
leading the Coruscant Guard
during the Clone Wars.


Darth Krayt’s Empire.
Capital for the One Sith.
Hardly a surprise.


Rising First Order.
Hosnian Cataclysm.
Lucky Coruscant.


Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic


The Outlander Club.
Kenobi and Skywalker
track an assassin.


Thrawn, Ciena,  Eli,
Nash, Thane, Kendy. Jude, Kallus.
Academy grads.


Coruscant rebels.
The Anklebiter Brigade.
CoCo born youngsters.


Ahsoka and Plo,
descent to the underworld.
Mythic adventure.


Coruscant haiku.
Dizzying, overwhelming.
Just like the city.


Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Traffic and Traffic
and Traffic and Traffic and
Traffic and Traffic

Ugh, seriously!!!!!!!!
They should rename Coruscant
“Stuck in Traffic World”

Why did I move here!?!?!
I spend my time sitting in
these jam packed sky lanes.

Screw it, I’m moving.
I’ll find some backwater world
and settle down there.

Coruscant is the
bright center but I’ll find the
planet farthest from.

Traffic and Traffic
…if I can get home and pack…
Traffic and Traffic


Haikuesday is a monthly series on The Imperial Talker, a new post with poetic creations coming on the first Tuesday of each month. The haiku topic is chosen by voters on Twitter so be sure to follow @ImperialTalker so you can participate in the voting. Now, check out these past Haikuesday posts:

Droids (February 2017)

Ahsoka Tano (March 2017)

Darth Vader (April 2017)

The Battle of Scarif (May 2017)

The Truce at Bakura (June 2017)

Queen Amidala (July 2017)

Ryloth (August 2017)

Cloud City (September 2017)

General Grievous (October 2017)

Millennium Falcon (November 2017)

Poe Dameron (December 2017)

The Battle of Umbara (January 2018)

Hondo Ohnaka (February 2018)

Jyn Erso (March 2018)