As a little kid, I loved the Ewoks. My reason for loving them, simple! The Ewoks were adorable. Okay, well that and they acted silly and funny. Sure, as an adult I may not laugh out loud at the funny things the Ewoks do or say, but I definitely did as a child and I can still appreciate the silliness as an adult.
Take Wicket as an example, the Ewok who pokes Princess Leia awake with his spear. Wicket curious but hesitant as he interacts with her at first, but when Leia takes off her helmet Wicket leaps up, readying his spear and preparing for the worst. All of this because she took off a helmet! Why would he be afraid of a helmet!?!?! Ha! How ridiculous!
Granted, I couldn’t appreciate as a child that maybe Wicket had never seen a helmet before, or perhaps he was just startled by her action. But who cares, little kid me didn’t need to think that hard about the scene. All I had to do was sit back and enjoy, which I still do even if I am not in tears from laughter.
Well, I DO still laugh when Wicket lassos himself with a sling during the battle of Endor. Silly Wicket…
Another example of Ewok hilarity: they bow down and worship the whiny, always complaining C-3PO as a god. C-3PO of all characters! Even Han is taken-aback by “goldenrods” newly christened divine status.
And then there is the moment when the Ewok’s prepare to make Han and Luke the main course in a feast honoring their new god though, as a kid, I never worried that Han or Luke would be consumed(though it would have been a heck of a plot twist in the film if Lucas HAD gone down that road). Naw, what made that scene so great, and what still makes it one of my favorites, is just how absurd the entire situation is – the Ewoks sing a little tune while they stack logs for the feast. Han tries blowing out a torch. Luke makes 3PO “fly” which terrifies the Ewoks and sends them running in all directions. The whole scene is just as hilariously silly!!!
Well, hilariously silly but also REALLY messed up. The Ewoks were going to EAT Han and Luke. Wait, sorry, they were going to BURN THEM ALIVE AND EAT THEM. Let that sink in for a second…
This isn’t to say that the scene isn’t meant to be funny. Rather, when the layers of silliness and humor are stripped away in this and other scenes, the Ewoks turn out to be different than we first thought.
In fact, let’s chat about their tactics in the Battle of Endor.
Cuddly but Deadly
Consider this: the Ewoks bludgeon A LOT of Imperial soldiers to death with clubs and spears. Remember when those two Ewoks take control of the AT-ST with Chewie? While our favorite Wookie pulls one of the pilots out of the cockpit, tossing him over the side, the two Ewoks jump in and beat the hell out of the other pilot.
And that is only two Ewoks out of…hundreds? Thousands? Here is a list of things that other Ewoks do during the Battle of Endor:
- Ewoks swing from vines, throwing two Stormtroopers down a hill where they are then pounced on by other Ewoks who start clubbing them.
- One Ewok slings a Stormtrooper around the neck, an act that presumably causes the trooper to suffocate.
- A group sneaks up on Stormtroopers firing at Han and Leia, beating them with clubs and spears (see the featured image at the top of the post).
- Other Ewoks lasso a speeder bike with rope, sending the bike and its pilot spinning around, and eventually crashing into, a tree. You can hear him scream the entire way to his fiery death.
- Still others “clothes-line” the pilot of another bike with a rope suspended between two trees – there is no way that trooper’s neck was not instantaneously snapped.
- A handful of Ewoks standing on a massive log drop rocks on Stormtroopers below them.
- They send massive logs swinging into the cockpit of an AT-ST, crushing the two soldiers inside.
What’s my point? Well, the Ewoks are certainly adorable and silly, but they are also incredibly dangerous and deadly. Primitive they might be, but they are clearly effective warriors, so skilled in the art of war that they can take on a technologically advanced foe in a head-to-head fight.
So, with this thought in mind, I am gonna just come right out and say this: the Ewoks were planning on fighting a war against the Empire before Han and his strike team arrived. Or, perhaps they had already started the fight, and the Rebels just showed up in the middle of it.
Seriously, think about it. Haven’t you ever wondered how the Ewoks were able to prepare for the battle so quickly? It isn’t like they started stacking those massive logs twenty minutes before the battle began, or built catapults right before they launched their attack. To be fair, some of those logs and catapults were surely built and perhaps in place already to deal with an occasional Gorax threat, but as a whole, in my mind, the Ewoks were preparing for a while, waiting for the moment to strike by strategically placing their weapons near and around the bunker. Maybe that day on Endor was not the day they had been planning to launch an all-out war, but the day found them.
But that didn’t really matter because they were clearly ready for it. The battle begins when they decide it is time. The trumpets sound and the Ewoks emerge from their hiding places to shoot arrows and throw spears at Imperial soldiers. As the battle progresses, there are other Ewoks in trees spotting and signaling their comrades, while others lead Imperial troops into ambushes.
Logistically, strategically, tactically, the Ewoks were the superior foe in this fight. Sure, some Ewoks die in the fight, like poor Nanta who is mourned in the moment by his comrade Romba. But as warriors they know the risk and are prepared for what awaits them in battle.
But hold on a second, if they are such skilled warriors, then there is a very good possibility that Ewok tribes on Endor have gone to war with one another countless times. They had to learn the art of war somehow, right? Setting traps for Gorax, and occasionally killing one, would hardly be enough to train them in the ways of warfare. Just picture that – two Ewok tribes fighting a forest battle. It would be the most adorably bloody battle ever!
Oh, and chances are the victors eat their dead enemies, be them Ewok or Imperial. I just hope the Ewoks of Bright Tree Village didn’t feed any dead Stormtroopers to the Rebels after the big win.
Then again, Chewie probably wouldn’t mind. He is always thinking with his stomach.
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